


The tale of the moon and the stars

by thechamberofsecrets



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Fun, Gay, M/M, Marauders era, School Life, Soulmates, basically canon compliant, jily, long fic, relationship, romantic, slowburn, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29447307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thechamberofsecrets/pseuds/thechamberofsecrets
Summary: Fan fiction from The Marauders era, mainly in Remus’ pov but including other characters’ occasionally. Slow-burn wolfstar and background Jily, with other relationships including Dorcas&Marlene. 7 years at hogwarts but doesn’t include the war. Some explicit parts but with chapter warnings. *Work in progress*
Relationships: Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Rodolphus Lestrange, Euphemia Potter/Fleamont Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Pandora Lovegood/Xenophilius Lovegood, Regulus Black/James Potter, Regulus Black/Sirius Black, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 27





	1. Wild is the wind (David Bowie)

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter is a title of a song from that era that I think applies. Mainly canon compliant with a few switch ups and some extra. Suggestions/feedback very welcome!! Hope you enjoy... I have lots of idea coming and may include pictures and maybe playlists where I feel fit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> First chapter contains slightly explicit imagery (gore) and references to child abandonment, scars.

_ 24th July 1971 _

Remus was curled up tightly in the corner cupboard of the toy room; it was his best hiding spot as matron probably thought it was impossible for anyone to even fit in there. Being scrawny did have its privileges, as remus often utilised. The room may be labelled ‘Toy Room’ but the dishevelled scraps of books, sparse playing cards (you’d be lucky if you found half a pack), few headless action figures and an odd yo-yo showed otherwise. 

The wrath of matron was looming closer, the husky tone of her voice suffocating the cold air of the children’s home,

‘’REMUS LUPIN when I get my hands on you boy...’’

But her voice abruptly stopped, her footsteps suddenly changed course, and she began pounding back down the hall towards the backdoor. A heated row began to sprout moments later. Ahh, a smile flickered across Remus’ lips, must be Harley finally showing. His temporary disappearance from the home had put matron into an incredibly foul mood for the whole week - not merely because of her concern for the burly 16 year old boy, but because it involved a lot of paperwork. Remus had overheard in the older boys’ discussion days earlier that Harley was going staying at his girlfriend’s. ‘’Doing lines nd shagging nines eh,’’ one of the other older boys had put it, giving Harley a playful shove - charming. 

Accepting his fate that he’d have to go to bed eventually, he dragged himself out the room and ambled up the worn stairs to his shared bedroom. The other two boys - in the much too small room - most likely had no concern for his absence and Remus couldn’t care less. Friends were a waste of time anyway. Instead, Remus set himself on the windowsill once he’d checked the boys were asleep (he could hear their calmed heart beats) with his pencil and pad and decided on spending the night doing the one thing he actually enjoyed... drawing. 

You see, the nightmares were getting unbearable. Last night left Remus squirming and grasping the air, trying to get away from the monster looming over him, wolfish grin spread over his cracked face, centimetres away from tiny Remus. Locks of matted, filthy hair tickling his arms while a grotesque laugh filled the room. There was another noise too. A woman, an agonising scream, but it was soon silenced. The sharp yellow teeth - no not teeth... fangs - getting ever closer... until Remus was sat bolt upright, clutching his throat for breath and sharply eyeing the room around him for any sign of movement.

Children’s home. Bedroom. Safe. Bad dream.

Well, if you could call this place safe. If you could call it a home. Remus went through his usual list in his head, trying to slow his thumping heart beat and then froze as he saw movement in the bed across from him. Phew, must just be Corey stirring. God, what if one of the other boys saw the state he was in. Nightmares?! They were for babies, not 11 year old boys. 

Remus let out a long sigh and let his body lean against the windowsill, watching the rain drizzle down. This thought was lodged at the very front of his brain tonight and so he decided his best option was to simply see the looming night through. Spending over half of his life confined to the battered walls of the care home, Remus was used to having to amuse himself for hours on end, particularly as he commonly bunked off school. Load of rubbish school was. 

‘’Don’t learn nuffink,’’ he would relentlessly argue with his teachers who had actually given up trying to persuade him to come in. He usually spent his days with the older boys, hiding in ‘the den’ at the back of the home. They were growing quite fond of Remus - he seemed to have heightened senses which helped warn of Matron’s unwanted presence, and he didn’t mind rolling all the joints for the others. ‘’Very skilled fingers you ‘ave me boy,’’ Harley would laugh in his rough, broken english. Remus wouldn’t exactly call them friends, but they were there nevertheless.

A deep pink sky had began to rise outside, and Remus was still tucked into his windowsill, finishing up the huckery figure staring back at him. He’d come to the conclusion that perhaps if he brought the menace of his nightmares to paper, it would help the image to escape his minds in those vulnerable moments of the night. 

Footsteps were approaching, matron’s.

Remus jumped down from his position, long spine numb from being curled up for so long and dived onto his bed, stuffing the sketches under his pillow. A rapt knocking sounded on the door followed by a blunt ‘’Remus. My office. Now.’’ God what had he done this time? One of Remus’ most useful attributes was his quick-thinking, getting him out of a hell of a lot of trouble. But still, not everything could get past matron’s hawk-like nature. 

He followed her down the hall and reluctantly took a seat opposite her orderly desk. She thrust a small envelope into his hand and Remus just stared at it. The thing is, he didn’t know anyone. Outside of these walls there was only one person who even knew of Remus’ existence, and the chance of his presence within a 100 mile radius of the home was next to nothing.

He fingered the beautiful writing on the letter ‘ _ Mr R J Lupin _ ’ and curiosity swept over his insides like a tidal wave. He continued to stare at his hands for a good few minutes while his mind whirred with questions. Then, carefully opening the seal, Remus took out the piece of what looked like old-fashioned parchment and began to read.

_ Mr R J Lupin, _

_ We are pleased to inform you of your acceptance into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find an enclosed list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on September 1st 1971, we await your owl no later than a month before the start of term. To avoid muggle detection please use the entrance located at King’s Cross Station Downtown London, on Platfrom 9 and 3/4. We look forward to having you at our school. _

_ Yours sincerely,  _

_ Minerva Mcgonagall, deputy headmistress.  _

Come again. What the bloody hell was this about? Perhaps Matron was aware of his lack of sleep the night before, the deepening purplish colour under his eyes would surely hint that out, and was finding it highly amusing to pull his leg. He glanced upwards and raised a querying eyebrow at the large woman bursting out of her chair in front of him. Despite his expected reaction, she too appeared confounded, her face set in a tight frown as if waiting for an explanation from himself. It wasn’t that Remus was naive to the idea of abnormal realities beyond human beliefs existing - he turned into a blood-thirsty monster once a month for god’s sake - but a school of magic? Curious. Albeit, he didn’t have time to even process this news and it also didn’t appear to be up to Remus whether he wanted to be thrown into a world on platfrom 9 and 3/4 full of ‘witches and wizards’.

‘’I replied back of course. Anything if it means getting your lousy self off my case. There’s a box there too, take it, although I am rather surprised anyone would bother gifting you with anything. Platform 9 and 3/4 however, I’m doubtful to say the least. Nonetheless, I can leave you beside it no matter, you’re not my filthy responsibility anymore. Off you go now. Scat.’’

Remus’ mouth gaped slightly and he held her stare. She was acting like this was the most perfectly ordinary letter to just appear at the doorstep. He was going where? Platform what? Any chance to chuck him out probably overrode these questions though, he thought. ‘’Come on. I said scat!’’ she muttered as she rose from up her chair with her clipboard raising towards Remus. She appeared to think better of clipping him with it, however, and sunk back down with a thud in her chair; she showed one glimmer of compassion when it came to getting physical with the gaunt boy, probably because of the thick and jagged scars covering him like a river already. Coursing through his body, defining who he was. Remus shot up, grabbing the box and hurrying out the room, letter tightly grasped, before she changed her mind, while his mind was running at 50 miles per second.


	2. Heart of glass (Blondie) - Sirius’ Pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Minor references to child abuse, scars, slightly dark themes.

_ 24th July 1971 _

Sirius black was neatly poised on a tall black chair in the sitting room, his gleaming dark locks hanging over his shoulders, back straight in a polished manner. Under the table however, his ankle was reassuringly entwined with Reg’s. His cultured demeanour was not matched by the scowl that sat on his face as he glared at his mother. Her lips were tightly set, and the light playing on her face amplified her desirable features: the fierce cheekbones of her face next to the delicate nose she possessed and that jaw that could cut paper. There was a glimmer of contempt in her misty grey eyes - which were returning Sirius’ harsh stare - likely due to his anger at being refused dinner. 

It was the new addition of posters to his bedroom that had set her off today. She made it very clear that permanently sticking ‘The Rolling Stones’ posters all over the walls was quite far from the manner that the Black heir should be possessing in the weeks before his beginning at Hogwarts. Sirius quite disagreed with this opinion and made it his aim to have the ceiling covered in them by next week too, although his growling stomach, which had been deprived of a luscious smelling steak dinner due to his actions, said otherwise. 

The steady pecks of their western screech owl at the window broke the severe stare and Orion Black strode over to take the letter the owl was bearing in its clamped beak. Bloody hell even the owl behaved in a robotic manner. 

‘’Well then Sirius, I was beginning to doubt you would even receive a letter. Given your...’’

His father paused and took a second to find the right words to voice the look of repugnance he shot at the boy. Sirius’ gaze left his mother now and burned into his father. A handsome man and although his lips were slightly thinner than Sirius’, and his nose more distinguishably crooked, Sirius saw his own eyes staring back at him, the palest blue with the same delicate eyelashes. In the embrace of deep shadows, in the serenade of the night’s song, the suffocating thought breathed deep and long on Sirius. Could he really escape the boy who he had been sculpted so precisely to be? 

... tendency to act so far in nature to your honourable family.’’ Orion meaningfully looked around the room at the portraits of deceased Black heirs with great pride before turning back to Sirius with a pompous expression on his face. ‘’I guess recent... events may have put you back in your place.’’ 

Sirius scoffed in disgust and could feel the tender skin under his tailored pants. The narrow threads of silver that had formed in disciplined lines at the back of his calf. But they weren’t glowing like moonlight, they weren’t delicately shining on the edge of his skin, they were embedded into him, forever a reminder of who he was being pieced together to become. He couldn’t retaliate to these words, the only thing channeling his rage from shattering all the delicate crystal glasses in front him was the slightly cowering boy at the side of him. God how he would put his heart and soul out to stop any of this happening to Regulus. Angering his parents further would only put his brother in the punching line when he left. Maybe his room should be left alone after all, he thought.

With that, Mr and Mrs Black drifted out of the room, grabbing Regulus too. Kreacher followed close by and scowled at Remus who returned a face just as foul back. They took not only their beings but the presence of darkness, mistrust and vengeance they carried with them everywhere they went. 

Sirius scratched his head and went to pick up the letter that the family had been waiting for, which was lying neatly on the table. Hogwarts. Maybe he was due a stroke of luck after all.


	3. Grazing in the grass (Hugh Masekela) - James’ Pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> None for this chapter :) It’s James so all bright and happy.

_24th July 1971_

The sun was bleeding into the horizon over the hills of Potter Farm. An evening by the sullen fire after spending the afternoon meandering the hills with Pete was James’ opinion of bliss. The unquestionable love and affection his parents smothered him with filled his insides with warmth in a way that no fire could. 

‘’Spot of ice cream anyone? Your favourite Jamie, homemade vanilla!’’ Fleamont offered, earning an excited reply from James - his smile dimples protruding on his sun-kissed cheeks - who had jumped up to follow his dad back inside. 

James emerged from the large patio doors to be hit by the soothing warm air once more, contrasting pleasantly with the ice cold bliss filling his mouth. He sprawled back on the oak bench by his mother and closed his eyes as the sound of ‘Pink Floyd’ flooded his ears from the record player on the little table. They were his favourite band and he’d chosen the record himself when him and Peter had gone into town together one summer night. He probably spent about half his pocket money there which was why his shelves had acquired quite the number of carefully selected records. 

James had had one of the best summers he could remember; as per tradition his family had travelled down to France and spent the first three weeks of the holidays mellowing out on gentle beaches, exploring the scenic countryside, enjoying delectable dishes and even buying a new kitten from some old friends who also owned a farm over there. The Potters were a very wealthy but very respectable family and James’ mum and dad had dedicated their free time after early retirements to manning a farm. Pigs, cows, sheep, horses, ducks, a german shepherd and now three cats were situated across the many acres of land. It was one of James’ greatest enjoyments to be up at the crack of dawn, feeding and tending to the animals after a long quidditch session. 

Stirring from his peaceful nap, James watched their snowy owl, Meg, glide down beside him. She nestled her head against his arm and he softly stroked the ruffled feathers on her head, most likely from the long journey over the hillside. As he took the letter from her beak, he shot up and a huge grin plastered itself onto his face ‘’My Hogwarts letter!!’’ he breathed as he glanced at his mother who had her usual glowing smile, leaning over to ruffle James’ messy set of deep brown curls.

Minutes later he was hurriedly scrawling down a note to send to Pete asking if the boy had gotten his letter too. Oh to be lounging on the train seats on the way to Hogwarts with his best friend at his side, fully equipped with all the gear they’d eagerly bought in Diagon Alley weeks ago. With a final stroke to Meg, James carefully tied the new note on to her, quill still hanging out his mouth and his mind began to race with all the exciting opportunities ahead of him. Quidditch! He’d be finally be able to properly play quidditch! Ridden with a sudden urge to touch up his skills - hardly necessary as he spent almost every morning gliding through the air with the grace of an eagle - he hurried to the garage to take out his precious broomstick, his mother’s voice chuckling behind him ‘’Honestly my boy, you and that precious  _child_ of yours.’’


	4. This town ain’t big enough for both of us (Sparks) - Peter’s Pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> None :)

_ 24th July 1971 _

The shop window was aligned with an array of gorgeous looking deserts: a bloom of summer strawberries and cream on a light sponge, a kiss of mango on a crisp tart, a crush of pineapple decorating a crumble. The cashier inside smiled fondly at the small boy with a tuft of fine blond hair and excited eyes as he entered the shop, setting the bell ringing. He was a regular.

He was out on his mother’s orders buying his older brother a birthday cake. 24th July. George was turning 17 this year and entering his final year of hogwarts. Today was the day actually, the letters for first years would be sent out. The worrying sickness in the pit of Peter’s stomach was getting stronger and stronger by the second... what if he didn’t make it? He obviously knew he could do magic, he was always forced to bloody fly with James when he was over at the farm - and he was pretty good at it too, not as good as James of course. But what if he just wasn’t good enough for the school? What if they didn’t want him there. Even if he did make it, how was he supposed to fill George’s footsteps, ravenclaw quidditch captain... prefect...

His thoughts were interrupted by the woman’s soft voice ‘’Anything I can get for you my dear?’’ She reminded Peter of his own mother a little, warm and gentle, still with pretty blonde curls despite beginning to age. 

‘’Hi, could I get one of your carrot cakes please?’’ 

‘’Certainly!’’ She flashed him another smile and began to wrap up the cake while Peter drooled looking at the rest of the delicacies. ‘’Oh and erm, maybe one of those little strawberry tarts too please.’’ His worries had been drowned away by the hunger now growing in his stomach. Once he’d paid he walked further down the street and rested against a brick wall in the glowing sunshine. He devoured the little cake and licked his fingers happily, soaking up all the happy faces meandering around him. Other people’s happiness always radiated to Peter and he didn’t mind just being a bit of a side character a lot of the time, simply satisfied in the presence of others. 

Deciding that the celebrations would probably be starting soon, he began to make his way back at a relaxed pace, birthday cake in hand. He glanced into the record shop where he’d been with James just a week before, choosing new albums - Peter had gone for ‘The Abbey Road’ while James had chosen from his favourite band, Pink Floyd. He then passed the shop where the boys had bought surf boards one year for the first beach trip they had been on. Peter had chosen the exact same model as James, this being unfamiliar territory; after all, James was perfect in possibly every way, so his choice in surf boards was most likely trustable too. Peter felt as though James was his buoy in the storm a lot of the time. 

As he approached the front door of his house, very modern and rather large, Peter was surprised to see his mother excitedly running up to him, hair billowing in the slight summer breeze. ‘’Your letter Petey!! Your letter!!’’ A flood of relief overwhelmed him and he beamed up at his mother, a witch herself... she looked so proud. ‘’Come on out to the garden, everyone’s here! Ohh that cake looks lovely, doesn’t it.’’ She took the cake from his hands and with that he was ushered into the garden were the birthday celebrations had just begun. 


	5. Dazed and confused (Led Zeppelin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Very minor mention of gore

_ 1st September 1971 _

Matron had Remus’ skinny shoulder clutched tightly and was sharp as a hawk. Snapping her head round at every sudden noise, as if she was expecting some kind of witch to appear in the train station at any given moment, ready to throw a curse at her. They were here at King’s Cross and Remus had absolutely no idea what to expect - he’d woken up each morning since he received the letter and had pondered over the idea that it had all been a stupid dream, but then he’d reach under his pillow and feel the smooth parchment of his Hogwarts letter. Bloody hell what was he thinking, planning on running through a bloody wall to go to a bloody magic school. 

Nevertheless, the delivery of schoolbooks and robes and his father’s own wand assuaged Remus that maybe, just maybe, this was all real. His father, the cowardly man that was Lyall Lupin, had abandoned Remus at the impuissant age of 5 when he’d been turned. He had just an inkling of decency to send Remus a monthly cheque to get by on, and now his necessary school supplies, but completely lacking any form of actual meaningful contact. Remus supposed that this mere act put a lid on the shame that came with leaving your son frayed open on the floor, repulsive teeth marks seething with blood down his front. 

He’d cautiously picked up the wand when it had been delivered to the home and then it all seemed to just click. A tingly feeling ran through his veins and his whole body buzzed with electricity, like the fire that always sat within him had just been ignited. Adrenaline ricocheted throughout the walls of Remus’ body and, full of curiosity, he pointed the wand at the wall of his empty bedroom. What came next left him incredulous. With a flash of light and a concerninglyloud smash, a hole was bashed through the murky white wall. He was stood there - stupefied - with the wand still clutched tightly, staring at the mess he’d just made. For heavens sake Remus, he told himself afterwards, what did you have to point it at the bleeding wall for. Before he accidentally blew his bedroom (and potentially himself) up he’d shoved the wand in the battered suitcase matron had given him and decided that nothing could really be done about the wall. Matron must have heard the racket but didn’t bother to come and check. She probably hoped it was Remus’ head that had gone through the wall. 

So as the 1st September had drawn closer, he actually began to feel quite excited, yet still very sceptical of it all. His suitcase was now filled with obscure books that his father had also sent him. Transfiguration, charms, potions... In his free time he resorted to reading through the books, they were interesting to say the least, as opposed to being crammed in the den with the others, plumes of smoke hot-boxing the room. It was funny how studious he could actually be when it was something that interested him. 

The delivery of all the necessities also came with little helpful notes inbetween. Remus despised his father for being such a coward but he kept the notes all the same. He wasn’t sure why but they were his beautiful cursive hand writing. And the only bit of family he had left. Remus had read the one saying  ‘Do not do any magic outside of Hogwarts ’ a little too late. 

He couldn’t help but feel that the notes represented a little more than just being notes. As ifthere was a slight part of Lyall that still wanted to reach out. Still wanted to guide Remus, albeit that he do it in a very small gesture.

So with the knowledge of one of the notes ‘ You have to run through the barrier’  Remus took a deep breath and raised an eyebrow at matron when they had reached the space between platform 9 and 10. 

‘’Right. Tell me again what you’re planning Lupin. Running at the barrier. Just... running at it.”

He rolled his eyes, this must’ve been the 7th time they’d been over this. ‘’Ye. Run at it.’’

‘’Enough of that cheek lad, you’re bloody lucky I even brought you here. Out of the kindness of my heart it was!’’

‘’Are you sure it ain’t cus of the whole bloody werewolf situation?’’ He muttered under his breath. 

And with their final goodbye said, if you could call it that, he ran straight at the barrier without thinking twice. Pain was his second nature at this point and smashing into a brick wall certainly wouldn’t be the worst thing he’d ever experienced. At least if it came to the worst and he crashed to his death he wouldn’thave to go back with matron. But miraculously, he didn’t crash. He didn’t come tumbling down to the floor. He actually felt like he’d just passed through a portal - like one of the ones in a marvel comic book from the foster home.

And here on the other side, it was like a whole new world. The bleak and dismal atmosphere of the normal London underground had been replaced by giddy children chatting excitedly to their friends, wailing children clutching onto their mothers and fathers and a buzz of strong magic that Remus could feel fizzing around him. He hated it. All the noise and happy faces, it was too overwhelming. When they moved, he had to move too and if his feet failed to keep up he risked being trampled underfoot. He scowled as one small boy lost balance and tumbled into him. Remus turned around, expecting maybe a fight but the other boy was sheepishly apologising. He was only tiny and Remus never really got into scraps with lads smaller than him. Taken aback at the softness of him, Remus just forced a small smile and carried on.

He followed the squirming crowd and boarded the train, feeling like he would snap out of this dizzy dream any moment now, but nothing of the sort seemed to be happening.

He didn’t particularly like people so went into an empty carriage, slammed the door shut and prayed that no annoying little runt would invade. But of course, did luck ever run is his favour? Moments later the same blonde boy from earlier peered into his carriage ‘’Hey, James! There’s room in this one!’’

Another boy with a messy mop of dark hair poked his head into the compartment too and flashed a grin at Remus. ‘’Alright if we join you?’’

Remus internally sighed but decided that someone was going to end up joining him eventually, and at least these weren’t girls. That would be much worse. He huffed a ‘’I mean I guess,’’ at the two who then bustled in and sat on the other side of the small table, ginormous trunks in tow.


	6. Come together (Beatles)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> None

_ 1st September 1971 _

The one with the little smile dimples stuck a hand out to Remus ‘’James Potter, lovely to meet you!’’ Remus frowned. Course he had to be a posho. He half heartedly flopped his hand out and grumbled,

‘’Remus.’’ 

‘’And this is my best friend, Pete...’’

The little one chimed in ‘’Oi Potter. I do remember my own name I’ll have you know. Peter Pettigrew,’’ he smiled again. Feisty one, Remus thought. 

Just outside of the window, a bustle of parents were waving animatedly to their children as the train suddenly gave a large puff of smoke and rumbled on the tracks. It had just hit 11 o’clock. Remus had never really been on public transport before but he could tell that this train was certainly very swanky. It was cosy too, nice and warm and drowned out most of the vexing noise from outside. He pulled his feet up into him in the corner of the seat, his suitcase just under, and let himself slip into that half-conscious, peaceful place in his mind. The parents’s (and some small children’s) faces merged into the sky as the train chugged onwards. The breath of sweet nature played in the blue, up in the fog that hugged valleys and mountains behind. 

But a boisterous voice soon came from just outside, snapping Remus back into reality. 

‘IF THIS TRAIN DRIVER COULD JUST WAIT AND LET ME FIND A BLEEDING SEAT BEFORE I TRAGICALLY FALL TO MY DEATH.’’

That was obvious, Remus thought. The train had to leave at exactly 11 o’clock... he’d read about it in one of his new books. But then the owner of the voice threw himself into the compartment with his gargantuan trunk threatening to crush him on the spot. He was quite a small boy but his eyes were wide and bright, and the long black hair that hung delicately over his shoulders made him look like a prince or something. Marvellous. Just what Remus wanted. Another loaded tosser. 

The boy slowly scrutinized each of the other three in turn, brows furrowed in thought. It was a right image... there was Remus by the window with his auburn hair scruffily cut by matron and a deep bruise forming by his eye, an unimpressed face on him. Then there was this James Potter, hand running through his static curls and already poured over a book with some very peculiar diagrams. And finally little Peter - who’s feet could barely touch the floor - concentrating studiously on organising the skittles he had just pulled out of his pocket by colour.

Then, displaying his decided assent, the new boy nodded ‘’My mother would definitely not approve... so may I join you?’’ Peter nodded giddily and gestured towards the seat opposite himself. He took his seat and then swivelled his eyes around the group once more, landing on Remus. After a short pensive gaze, he spoke again in his aristocratic accent. ‘’Happened to your face?’’ with a slight smile playing on his lips. 

‘’Wassit got to do with you?’’ Remus retorted. He returned the boy’s stare and a few seconds passed. It wasn’t necessarily a malicious moment, more like they were both riveted by the stark contrast of the one they were staring at to themself. Remus felt like if he was fire, the other boy would be ice.

‘’Got punched didn’t I, should see the other one’s face though innit.’’ It was true, Corey had ended up with a broken nose and two black eyes after their  _disagreement_ the night before. It was all because he’d managed to get his hands on the suitcase of Remus’.After a very firm lecture on having to keep this Hogwarts business completely discreet, desperate times had called for desperate measures to keep the robes and wand and book on potions for god’s sake out of his knowledge. If he found out he would most likely think Remus had lost the plot completely. 

An amused expression crept over the boy’s face and after another few moments of staring he turned back to the group. ‘’Sirius Black by the way.’’ As if anticipating the startled looks from James and Peter he quickly added, ‘’But I can assure you I’m as much a Black as that tree is out there. Hate the lot of them.’’ Remus had no clue what the horror of being a Black was all about but he guessed that maybe they were wanted serial killers, or perhaps they ran a drug ring. 

‘’You like quidditch too?! I’m an Appleby Arrows supporter.’’ Sirius began talking to James and peered over at the strange book with strange people riding on strange sticks. Flabbergasted, Remus didn’t even bother asking questions about this  quimmitch nonsense but retreated back into his seat and turned to the window again. This was going to be a long journey.

‘’Oh no it’s got to be the Chudley Canons!’’ James aruged.

‘’Absolutely... 21 league wins, just incredible,’’ Peter added.

‘’1932, Vratsa Vultures match, tragic conditions, who comes out on top? That would be the Arrows! Cracking performance if I do say so myself.’’ Sirius commented, gesturing wildy.

Mitigating the drone of their voices, Remus pulled out his sketchbook and pencils from his suitcase. After what felt like an hour discussing _seekers_ and  _game plays_ and  _world cups_ , the conversation died down and Peter began watching Remus intently as he brought the page to life.

‘’What are you drawing Remus?’’ he asked excitedly. 

‘’S’nothing much.’’ 

His thick accent was probably only just understandable. James then leaned into Remus and grabbed the paper from him. He brought it up to the window and looked from paper to window, paper to window.

‘’That’s... that’s that!’’ He said in admiration.

For the first time since he’d crossed the barrier Remus genuinely smiled a little. 

‘’Noo really? Ain’t like that that was the idea,’’ he teased. James laughed and gave him the book back then reached into his bag and pulled out his lunch. The rest followed, it was nearing lunch time now. ‘’Oh for goodness’ sake!’’ Peter slammed his head into his hands.  All the boys turned to Peter as he pulled out a squashed and deformed jam sandwich from his back pocket. ‘’I’ve been sat on it all this time.’’ Sirius sniggered next to Remus. 

‘’Ere have one of mine.’’ Remus shook his head but offered him one of his own cheese sandwiches. He only had two for his dinner and a bruised apple but he of all people knew what it felt like to be the only one without something. Peter thanked him gratefully and began tucking in. He must’ve been hungry, Remus thought as he watched the boy devour the sandwhich like a mouse would with cheese.

A few hours passed and they were surrounded by all the sweets and desserts one could imagine. The very ancient-looking trolley lady had been around and James had asked to buy the lot, brandishing several golden coins from his pocket. Remus was quite baffled as to how he was going to eat all of it until he realised that the boy was planning on sharing. Now completely stuffed, the four of them were beginning to get restless. ‘’Game of snap anyone?’’ Peter offered as he pulled out the cards. Remus nodded but the other two looked befuddled. ‘’It’s a card game, we each have a set of the cards and take it in turns to place one on the middle pile. If it’s the same suit or number you say snap and win the pile. Whoever’s the last one with cards wins.’’ The other two nodded slowly when Peter saw Remus’ confused expression towards them. 

‘’They’re both pure bloods. Wizards don’t tend to play snap.’’ 

‘’You muggle born?’’ Remus asked.

‘’Half-blood. Dad’s a muggle. What about you?’’ Peter smiled.

‘’Ye half-blood too.’’ Remus replied, not willing to give any more information regarding his catastrophic family life.

The cards were dealt but before the game began, Remus shot Peter a small smirk and added, ‘’Carefull if you turn over a diamond though, they explode if you hold them for too long.’’ Catching on, a delighted look filled Peter’s face and he quickly nodded ‘’Yeah, forgot to add that.’’

Remus and Peter found the next 5 minutes hilarious as Sirius and James meticulously handled their cards, dramatically throwing down every diamond they had as quickly as possible. It took a good while before James narrowed his eyes at the other two ‘’Hey, nothings happening when you hold your diamonds for too long!’’ The two boys guffawed. ‘’You’re having us on!’’ He exclaimed.

‘’Took you long enough!’’ Remus chuckled and playfully shoved James who started giggling. Sirius scowled but then gave in to laughter too. For the first time in a long time, Remus actually felt himself relax a little and thought that maybe these boys weren’t that bad.

A couple of hours later and the Hogwarts Express had brought the pupils in view of the most beautiful place Remus had ever seen. 

The castle was bold on the night sky where a crescent moon shone like a silvery claw. It stood there as if conjured from the storybook of a child. Every stone was detailed and precise, as if those who built it were set on perfection, as if they really loved what they created. They were walls made to protect a community, to echo with laughter and be the shelter that Remus needed for the years to come.


	7. Let’s stay together (Al Green)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Very minor mention of scars.

_ 1st September 1971 _

The boats were scattered over the Black Lake like fallen leaves in a pond as the students ventured towards the castle - first year privilege. James and Peter had gone together while Remus and Sirius had gotten into their own boat. 

‘’Kind of like I have my own bodyguard.’’ Sirius smirked. 

‘’Oh ye cos Prince Sirius is so precious.’’ Remus smirked back.

‘’Oi,  _Prince Sirius_ will not be spoken to like that!’’

Just a little bit in front, a blonde haired boy turned around and shot daggers at Remus. ‘’Ugh I can hear that foul accent from here. Merlin knows why they still let scum like you into such a prestigious school.’’ The light from his boat lit his body up like a spectre and his eyes looked so dark it was like you could see straight through him to the onyx sky beyond. 

The boy next to Remus tried to retaliate but Remus could stick up for himself, he didn’t need pitying. ‘’Ugh and I can smell you from ere...maybe you ought to take this as an opportunity.’’ He gestured towards the lake and a few snickers sounded from around Remus as the boy sniffed indignantly and then haughtily turned back.

They were drawing nearer to the castle and about 10 minutes later, Remus’ awe-stricken gaze in front of him was broken as he realised who’s boat was in perfect eyeline. It was the snob from before and Remus was certainly one to hold grudges. He leant over the side and, while everyone was mesmerised by the castle, slowly began to splash water into the boy’s boat. Sirius noticed what he was doing and his face lit up before he began to join in. 

No longer than a minute later, the boy yelped and grabbed his now sodden robes, ‘’A leak! There’s a leak! Someone help me I’m going to drown!!’’ he wailed. Remus creased over in a fit of laughter but was still leant over the side of the boat. He lost his balance and was near toppling into the water himself before an arm quickly reached out and grabbed his own, pulling him firmly back in. ‘’Hey be careful! When did we agree on me being your body guard?’’ Sirius said with another fit of giggleswhile Remus rolled his eyes at him.

-

Hundreds of eyes of the students sat at four huge tables in the great hall were following the first years as they scuffled forward, robes drowning their feet. They were nudging each other and pointing at perhaps a sibling, a peaky looking arrival or betting on who’d make it to which house. Remus had been informed on the train of the four different houses: _ravenclaw_ , _hufflepuff_ , _gryffindor_ and _slytherin._ House rivalry seemed a pretty big deal, and it seemed as though you were almost defined by your house. Remus thought he might be a slytherinwhen he realised there was a sense of sullied integrity for the witch or wizard sorted into that house. He could see himself being labelled as one of the untrustworthy and immoral wizards, after all, in his own father’s words he’s a ‘wicked, untamed beast who is a threat to society’.

Remus was stuck in a stupor, marvelling at this grimy hat thinking and questioning and then bursting out a decision of house placement. The first student was sorted, Elizabeth Abbott, into ravenclaw. Cheers erupted from the furthest table on the right as she ran over and took a seat. After a few more students, Sirius Black walked up from next to Remus and took his seat on the chair - for the first time yet, Remus saw all the swagger drain from him and he looked so tiny and timid. After deep thinking, the hat burst out ‘’GRYFFINDOR!’’ A look of almost relief flooded onto the boy’s face and his eyes were so bright. He tumbled to the gryffindor table with a cheshire-cat grin. Another boy was shortly sorted into gryffindor also... Steven Brown. In Remus’ opinion, he looked a little rough around the edges too, with his buzz cut hair and slightly bruised knuckles. He felt sort of relieved that the school wasn’t completely seething with imperious kids. He’d payed careful attention to Robbie Winstanley _,_ the conceited boy from the lake, who looked exceedingly proud having been sorted into slytherin. Suits him, Remus thought.

It soon was his turn and for the first time in a long time, he felt extremely apprehensive and small with so many eyes staring at him. What if they could tell? Could see straight though him to what he was. He tugged at his sleeves to ensure none of the scars there were slithering into view. 

The austere woman who placed the hat on Remus’ head stopped for a moment and looked at Remus with a pensive expression. But before stepping back for the hat to give its verdict, she gave him the smallest smile. 

_ ‘’Hmmm difficulttttt... ravenclaw would be glad to have these brains but there’s that unyielding thirst too. Valiantly mature beyond your years underneath all the bravado... but where should you go?’’ _

‘’GRYFFINDOR!’’

Remus was surprised, if not slytherin he’d more expected ravenclaw maybe... but in the years that came to pass, when faced with what was good or what was easy, Remus would prove his placement in Gryffinor to be undeniably befitting.

He bustled over to the table and placed himself next to the Steven boy who was grinning at him as an older boy slapped him on the back; perhaps scum boys were magnetically drawn to each other, Remus mused. After twenty or so minutes of names and decisions and cheers, the tables were brimming with excited new pupils. Peter had placed himself next to Remus with a very sodden James by his side.

‘’You’re drenched?’’ Sirius queried from opposite the table.

‘’Fell in the bleeding water didn’t he, tried catching a fish he thought he’d seen,’’ Peter answered while rolling his eyes.

‘’Tried catching a fish I definitely  _ did  _ see.’’ James exclaimed with a huge grin on his face. ‘’Hey, we’re all in gryffindor... how lucky is that!’’

Everyone around laughed with him. There were little introductions between the new faces at the table,

“Sirius.’’

’’I’m Eleanor,’’

’’I’m James!”

’’Hi, I’m Lily!’’

Just then, the most extraordinary thing happened. The tablesall bulged with suddenly appearing food and the feast began. In this moment, Remus thought to himself that this place most certainly was like heaven.


	8. A day in the life (Beatles)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> None

The first few days of school went by in a blizzard. Hogwarts was nothing like back home: there was no boring algebra, students were taught to fly broomsticks, the headmaster was about 90 years old, Remus’ classmates didn’t beat each other up in their free time, it was an all-you-can-eat situation three times a day and his history teacher was a bloody ghost. Remus had already decided he quite liked it here the second the welcoming feast began. He was filled with a somewhat warmth... or that could just have been the four chicken drumsticks, two servings of rabbit stew, a portion of pumpkin pie, three slices of cheese quiche and a bowl of raspberry crumble with custard.‘’Could eat for England you lad,’’ Steven had laughed while he was halfway through wolfing down a mouthful of pie. Remus couldn’t quite understand why everyone wasn’t devouring the food but more fool them. He did slightly regret his agression at the table, however, when he was panned out on his new bed an hour or so later, feeling like he was going to burst open. 

‘’The memories we are going to make in here my friends,’’ James had declared once they’d been assigned to their dorm together. He sounded like a sentimental old woman, Remus thought, while face down on the bed in his food coma. He’d only been able to inspect three quarters of the room before collapsing into the closest bed. James and Peter took the two by each other on Remus’ right, Peter by the tall glass window, and Sirius was left with the end bed on Remus’ left, by the bathroom. The others immediately began to unpack, filling the wardrobes with their clothes and making the bedsides their own. James had a family photo centre front of himself and two slightly ageing, beaming adults. Remus had assumed he came from a very stable family... no one could be as loud and cheerful as James every second of every day if they didn’t. He also had some form of quidditch nonsense at every empty space - little action figures (some which even moved), magazines, programmes from some world-cups (he must be pretty wealthy then, Remus thought) and a lot of home-baked goods filled all of his spare drawers. Peter also had a lot of quidditch related things, a few muggle books, little games from home like the ones they’d played on the train and a ginormous box of sweets. Sirius’ side was quite different, he didn’t have as much quidditch gear (but still had some), instead the posters he had out were of bands, lots of rolling stones ones, a couple of queen ones which sparked Remus’ attention and some Elvis Presley too. They were all awfully tidy, Remus groaned to himself, he hadn’t even bothered unpacking anything but his clothes which he just threw wherever they would fit when he managed to get up without feeling like he was going to bring everything up again - wouldn’t be a good first impression, he’d decided.

Exhausted and replete, Remus slept soundlessly that night for the first time in years; but the Hogwarts sparkle seemed to have worn off over the next few days and the evocative nightmares were back. The Thursday and Friday night were bearable but on the Saturday, after spending the day lounging around, Remus awoke with a thumping heart to complete darkness. He wouldn’t be able to sleep now so decided he would take a little stroll. Soundlessly, Remus crept over and took the incredible invisibility cloak that James had brandished to the three on the first night: he would never notice. Liking the thrill of being somewhere he shouldn’t, he went quite deeply into the castle away from his dormitory. He ended up near one of his classrooms, Professor Sinistra’s. He realised he had reached the astronomy block and climbed up the tower to one of the turrets that had the full view of the night sky. Perfect, he thought, and settled down with his feet dangling over the edge. Stargazing was one of his favourite things to do, especially after a nightmare.

Even in the velvet dark there is the light of the stars, he thought to himself. They were like hope in his world were darkness seemed to seep in from every corner.

-

_ 6th September 1971 _

As the first years’ third astronomy lesson drew around, the students were exuberant as Professor Mcgonagall had announced they were going to be trying their first piece of real wand magic. They all had an ave perched on their desk that needed to be transformed into a water goblet. She tapped her bird thrice and demonstrated a perfect incantation ‘’ _Vera verto_ ,’’  and the chirping, sandy bird was now a perfectly ordinary water goblet. ‘’Perfectly done, Professor.’’ Remus heard Sirius marvel at the front of the classroom while a few giggles from around him were stifled. She gave him a brief glare and then gestured for everyone else to begin. Remus had left Sirius and James to dramatically drawing their wands up to the birds and grandly voicing the incantation, but the birds simply tweeted more noisily on the table... they had completely forgotten to even tap their birds. ‘’Firm and decisive movements boys!’’ the professor tutted at them. Remus was on a table further back with Peter who was enjoying the boys’ performance. He watched as Peter attempted the spell for a third time and the bird did shudder, more than anyone else was achieving, but there was still no water goblet appearing. 

On his fourth attempt, Remus focused diligently on the bird and tried to pull in the magic he felt around him. He spoke the incantation in a forced proper accent after tapping the bird three times, just like he had seen her do, with his mind still clear of everything but the image of a water goblet. To his surprise, a jet of nearly indiscernible, crystal-clear mist, shot out of his wand tip like a spray; the animal was engulfed and quickly morphed into a goblet with a quiet whooshing noise. ‘’Oh goodness Remus, you’ve done it!! That looks perfect!’’ Peter applauded. Remus did feel quite smug and let a small smile play on his lips. He had never been good at school, or even tried, but it was different here, like he could start with a clean slate.

‘’Try for almost take in some of the magic from the room...’’ He’d left his goblet on his desk and turned to Peter who was nearly there with his too. He tried again and the bird shuddered more this time, but still remained a bird. ‘’I’m just not sure what you mean,’’ Peter said, sticking out his tongue in concentration for his 7th attempt. ‘’Okay just speak with a little more confidence, that should do it.’’

‘’Remus, well this is quite incredible!’’ Professor Mcgonagall had teetered over to his desk and was closely inspecting his goblet over her spectacles. Remus went a slight tint of red as a few pairs of eyes turned around to him. James came bustling over, ‘’Oh Remus has only gone and bloody done it Sirius,’’ he exclaimed, but was impressed all the same. Remus stuck his tongue out at James as he was scolded for his ‘inappropriate language’. He was awarded 10 points but quickly turned back to Peter, not too keen on all the attention. After a good few more tries, Peter’s bird was the third to be transformed after a rosy-cheeked ginger girl. The goblet still had a couple of feathers at the rim but Peter was chuffed and scooped up the two goblets. ‘’We should definitely keep these Remus!’’ He said giddily, ‘’As memorabilia!’’ Remus secretly rolled his eyes at the daft sentimentality and Sirius, who had come over, very shocked at Peter’s achievement, scoffed. His bird had actually flown away from his table and he was looking very miffed off now. 

-

_14th September 1971_

Not all Remus’ lessons were going quite as successfully, however, in particular herbology. He found most of his lessons so interesting compared to the mundane ones he was used to back at home, and that interest sparked a new-found attention and hard-work. But he certainly did not find studying weird plants for hours in a stuffy greenhouse very entertaining. And if there was one quality of Remus’ that outshone the others, it was his stubbornness, in this case stubbornness to do so much as concentrate and merely listen. So with these two facts combined, it was a recipe for minor disaster. 

The first-years had had multiple herbology lessons up to now, each doing some obscureprocess of potting screaming plants or taking out some screaming plants, while wearing silly ear muffs. Mind you, the earmuffs weren’t that silly considering James had tried to claim to Professor Sprout (a short, fair woman with a kind face) that he didn’t need them and ended up in the hospital wing after fainting. 

In today’s lesson, the students were waiting outside of the greenhouse for Madam Sprout. Remus was stood with Sirius and Peter while James was giving a detailed account of how he had almost been brutally murdered by the lethal mandrakes the previous lesson when the red-head, who he’d learnt was called Lily, and a darker haired boy who Remus hadn’t really seen came over near them. “I’ll wait on the grounds for you Sev!” She called as he begin to walk away, waving at her. “Yeah, clear off you dirty slytherin!’’ James jeered after him. Remus hadn’t even observed his house but as he quickly caught sight of his robes, he realised they were the emerald green and silver of slytherin. The boy didn’t look back but just carried on walking, Lily however scowled at James but couldn’t begin to pick at him because Pomfrey had just arrived and bustled through the door. 

The lesson began and James had been placed at the front under close observation (after last week’s aftermath) and Peter had followed. Remus, however, had situated himself at the complete other end to be as far away from Sprout’s instructions as possible; Sirius had joined him in the back corner and they were disguised by eager hufflepuffs trying to impress their head of house. The new plants they were studying were particularly peculiar, the main stem was a disproportionate purple bulb, with a bunch of leaves growing on the top.

‘’Young Bouncing Bulbs are small enough to handle, but mature ones can reach the size of doorways. They can be aggressive when they feel threatened; they jump towards the possible attacker and try to hit it. A simple knockback jinx could stop a young Bulb, but a mature one would require using the fire-making spell to wither it, for it is quite strong. Can anyone tell me what potion it is that bouncing bulbs are a necessary ingredient for?’’

Lily shot up her hand and answered correctly: the pompion potion. Apparently this potion encased the drinker’s head in a pumpkin but Remus could not  justify why that would ever be necessary, he also hadn’t even bothered to pick up his herbology book since receiving it back at the children’s home. 

Instead of spending the lesson practicing their knock-back jinx, Remus and Sirius were in shrieks of laughter over what ‘Bouncing Bulbs’ also sounded like. They had then resorted to playing a game of dodgeball with the bulbs, trying to avoid the violent hits that they were aggravatedly throwing out. One girl, achocolate eyed, sepia skinned gryffindor was throwing a fit as one of their bulbs had come flying over and starting fisting at her. The two had creased over again at the sound of Peter asking a question to Professor Sprout about the ‘Bouncing Bulbs’ when one swung for Sirius’ face and knocked him clean onto the floor. Remus helped him up, ribs aching from laughter, but Sirius had now begun to chase the specific bulb around the table and received the first detention out of the whole year after refusing to stop. So herbology was not going quite as smoothly, you could say. And it was only that night in bed that Remus realised he had completely dropped his guard today, and he had very much enjoyed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of Remus’ speech is grammatically incorrect but that’s purposeful. And can we take a second to appreciate how sweet Peter is...


	9. Maybe I’m amazed (Paul McCartney)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Just a slight mention of blood.

_ 27th September 1971 _

‘’Absolutely perfect day for quidditch! It must be a sign... must be a sign!’’ James was daydreaming out of the window at a much too early hour of the day; it was 6:30am, and their first quidditch lesson of the year began at 9am. Remus growled into his pillow before launching it at James. His cheerfulness was so bleeding aggravating, especially after Remus’, maximum, 3 hour sleep that night. Fortunately. he’d made it back from his secret spot on the astronomy tower about half an hour before James’ electrified awakening and was pleased to now see Sirius joining him with the pillow attack. 

It would be impossible to sleep now that James had got going, trying on several of his woollen hats to determine which would be the best ‘streamlined’, fussing over the cleanliness of his glasses multiple times and saying his prayers with his pristine broom in his lap... he wasn’t even religious. Remus shot out of bed and over to his suitcase, still full of his un-emptied belongings, when he finally couldn’t take any more of James obsessively going over his tactics. He rummaged around for the record player he’d bought last summer when he’d been allowed into town with some of Lyall’s guilt money and set it on the chest of drawers they shared. He fumbled for one of his favourite albums; Remus’ guilty pleasure was actually ABBA, but there was more chance of him going on a hunger strike for the year than admitting that to anyone. So he settled for the new Led Zeppelin IV album instead, and the beginning strum of ‘Black Dog’ filled their dorm room. 

James had finally given it a rest and was smiling at the record player ‘’You brought one! Oh I should have brought some of my albums!’’ 

‘’Anything to drown your drone out!’’ Remus retorted as Peter laughed from his bed, still groggy-eyed ‘’I second that!’’ Sirius was busy shuffling through the pile of albums Remus had brought without him even noticing. He hated people touching his things after learning the hard way back at the home many years ago that that was how things got taxed. He kept most of his prized possessions hidden in his suitcase for this reason.It was a good job, he thought, that he’d carefully hidden the ABBA album underneath a pile of jumpers. ‘’Oi!’’ He grabbed the albums back but Sirius snatched a particular one away. It was the 1964 Rolling Stones album. ‘’The Rolling stones are my favourite! How could you possibly have known?’’ He made a dramatic grateful gesture as Remus huffed ‘’Because the whole world revolves around  Prince Sirius Black .’’ ‘’Too right it does!’’ 

The boys spent a congenial hour or so lounging around before it was actually time to leave for breakfast and then head to the quidditch pitch. Even Remus could tell the other three all had premium brooms, perfectly polished. Remus wasn’t too bothered as he hardly doubted he’d enjoy this quidditch business much, he’d never been particularly good at any sports. After his ritually large breakfast - four slices of toast, two eggs, a few bacon rashers and two goblets of pumpkin juice - they were off. Sirius hadn’t eaten much, like usual, and just picked at some toast. James consumed an unbelievable amount of protein ‘’For the muscles...’’ he reasoned, flexing and then kissing his arms under his robes. Peter wasn’t shy on the food yet it probably was only half of what Remus had eaten. 

Down on the grounds, Madam Hooch was waiting for the first-years. She was a slender, agile woman with her hair slicked back and wore navy blue quidditch robes. She took a deep breath of the fresh, crisp air and smiled to herself ‘’Gather round. Not too close, not tooclose!’’ Half of the students had borrowed brooms and Remus was glad to not be the only one with absolutely no idea what was going on. ‘’Macdonald is it? Turn your broom around dear, bushy end behind!’’ Their first task was to summon their brooms, that was easy enough. Remus’ came to him instantly while he sniggered at Steven, who he’d stood next to towards the back, as his broom merely wavered underneath him. ‘’Shurrup you,’’ he laughed while scooping down to pick his broom up while Hooch was busy being pestered by James about the plan for the lesson. The next part, however, was not so easy. 

They had to mount their brooms and rise several feet in the air, then they were to simply fly forwards about 100 metres and come back. Remus had managed to get up there, but the rest was just a mess; he was about the same height as James, Sirius and Peter being just an inch or two smaller, but his body was weirdly disproportionate. His legs were too long for his torso and rocked him sideways on his broom and his gangly arms weren’t strong enough to pull himself straight when he accidentally threw himself to the side. He could barely make it 10 metres without nearly flailing himself to the ground which Steven was finding hilariously funny. Steven wasn’t much better, not with all the sprauncy wizards around them racing forwards as if they had private quidditch tutors. Sirius was one of these, streaking forwards, making a perfect turn and then coming back. But no one was as good as James; at least all of his rigmarole from the morning was worth it, Remus thought.He soared through the air so effortlessly and was delicately precise with each of his turns, not steering a centimetre off track. Madam Hooch gave a nod of approval as James had begun to lap people - she seemed the type of woman to be hard to impress. Remus was surprised by Peter actually who, despite his slightly pudgy figure, was possibly one of the best flyers in the group. 

Madam Hooch had instructed the students to lower to the floor while she was bent over a brown trunk. Even from the other end of the line, Remus could hear James’ relentless gloating about his quidditch ability to anyone who would listen. The group joined back in a huddle, James striding over and shoving the boy who Remus recognised as the blonde prat from the lake as he made his way through ‘’Oi move over snakey boy!’’James goaded. As they were waiting for Madam Hooch to return, Remus’ eyes sharpened on the Winstanley slytherin boy a few people away from him (first year quidditch had the gryffindors with the slytherins). Remus suddenly realised what he was doing; he had begun to aim his wand at James who was talking with Peter next to him, and smirked at one of the slytherins who was egging him on by his side. Before he could so much as mutter a spell, Remus launched himself at the boy, completely blanking out everything around him. His fist shot up and connected with the bony flesh of his nose with such intensity that he staggered back to the floor and yelped in pain. He’d done this on several occasions and had got the force just right. Madam Hooch had clearly heard the noise and dashed over ‘’Would someone like to tell me what on earth is going on,’’ she spoke furiously. Hmm, perhaps throwing hands was not the way to deal with situations around here, Remus thought to himself. He scowled down at the boy who was clutching his now slightly-crooked nose while a steady flow of red was leaking onto the grass. ‘’Had his wand raised at James.’’ Remus huffed while staring determinedly at Madam Hooch. James was the one who started it really, but who knew what spell he could’ve had hurled at him.

‘’For goodness’ sake, Pettigrew, go and summon Madam Pomfrey for Winstanley!’’ Peter scurried off, mouth still gaped open at the scene. ‘’Robbie we do NOT raise our wands behind a student’s back, you hear me?! And Mr Lupin, attacking our classmates is just as punishable, what on earth were you playing at?’’ ‘’He had his wand raised AT JAMES!’’ But before she could scold him once more for his violence and then probably his disrespect, Pomfrey was approaching the scene. Calm and collected as ever, she surveyed Robbie’s injuries and brought her wand out ‘’Oh not to worry love, just a broken nose that’s all! I expected someone dead on the floor with all the fuss this little boy made!  Episkey,’’  his nose quickly cracked back into place as he yelped again but Remus was pleased to see it was still slightly crooked from the blow. ‘’Off you all go then, that’s enough for one day,’’ Madam Hooch tutted. ‘’And I hope you’re both looking forward to your detentions!’’

‘’I mean thanks for saving my bloody life!’’ James uttered once they’d started up the castle, still astounded. ‘’S’alright.’’ Peter was looking slightly more frightened than impressed though ‘’I can’t believe you just did that Remus! You could’ve...’’ But Peter was cut off by Steven who was walking on Remus’ other side. He frowned hard at Peter ‘’He deserved it!’’ ‘’Seen the state of Sniffy’s nose now though,’’ Sirius grinned at Remus who laughed back, ‘’Suits him!’’

_ 28th September 1971 _

It was the following day and the four boys were sat together for lunch in the great hall. James and Remus were having a competition of who could consume the most sausages with Sirius keeping count for Remus and Peter for James. Remus was on a two point lead at 11 when an owl swooped over the gryffindor table and dropped a piece of parchment onto Remus’ plate. He was startled... the owls usually delivered post in the morning and although the other boys didn’t know, he had no one to actually receive post from. He picked up the letter warily, still chewing through his twelfth sausage, and sighed. It was from Dumbledore, the headmaster. He was actually starting to like it here and began to regret his lash of anger from the day before which he assumed was going to get him expelled now. The letter had a meeting with him scheduled for just after lunch. On the bright side, he would get to leave after a final meal, he thought. 

He showed the other eager three the letter and all of their faces dropped. ‘’Dumbledore! Oh that’s not good mate...’’ James groaned. ‘’Tell him to call me in! I’ll explain how Sniffy was going to kill me and you were heroic, a true gryffindor, and saved my life! He might buy that! He’s got to!’’ James gabbled all this out but Remus was a little confused as to why he even cared so much. ‘’Maybe use Robbie instead of Sniffy though, more persuadable.’’ Peter added. A few heads had turned towards the boys now and people were beginning to mutter. Lily turned to Remus from next to Peter on the bench opposite and began ‘’Oh he can’t expel you, surely? I mean I really didn’t agree with you hitting him... but you weren’t doing it maliciously, I guess he did have his wand raised!’’ Remus just stared down at the letter not wanting everyone to fuss and make the pang he felt in his chest worse. ‘’It’ll be fine,’’ he mumbled and began to get up, might as well get this over with, he thought.‘’We’ll come with you!’’ Sirius began as the three jumped up too. ‘’S’fine, you enjoy your lunch.’’ But they refused to sit back down and Remus was too distracted to argue. 

The first problem was, none of them actually knew where Dumbledore’s office was. But then Remus realised, if he focused, he could try and track the scent down. He hadn’t been close enough to the man to pick up a specific scent but he knew it would be of some sort of strong magic. Flickering his nostrils, he picked up a few different trails that stood out. One led down the corridor to where he knew Mcgonagall’s office was (she’d shown the gryffindors on the first day in case of emergency) but the others led up the flights of stairs and one continued down a corridor he’d never been before. ‘’I think I remember seeing him near here once before,’’ Remus lied to the others who followed obliviously. They reached an opening where a gargoyle was stood guarding. Remus knew that this was the right place, but like all the portrait holes, he seemed to need a password, and there was no werewolf sense he could use for that. Remus checked the watch that he always liked to wear, careful not to roll his sleeves up too high. ‘’Still got 5 minutes,’’ he said to to the other three. So as they waited, Sirius and James took to re-enacting the fight scene extremely dramatically. Despite himself, Remus found it pretty funny and Peter clearly did too. 

Eventually, the gargoyle began to rotate and magnificently revealed a set of stairs. Remus looked to the other three who were all looking very impressed and then started on the stairs. ‘’I guess I’ll see you on the other side,’’ Remus forced a smile before being scooped up. When he was then stood before the great office doors, he was filled with anticipation, dread but also curiosity at what lay beyond.

He pushed them open and was looking into the coolest place he had ever seen. It was a large and beautiful circular room, full of funny little noises. A number of curious silver instruments stood on spindle-legged tables, whirring and emitting little puffs of smoke. The walls were covered with portraits of old headmasters and headmistresses, all of whom were snoozing gently in their frames. There was also an enormous, claw-footed desk, and, sitting on a shelf behind it, a shabby, tainted wizard's hat which Remus recognised to be the sorting hat. He thought the best part, however, were the mountainous bookshelves filled with giant, beige, tied books and smaller, fern, diary-looking books and then hardbacks with all sorts of designs down the side. And there behind the desk, with power and strength radiating from his being, sat Dumbledore. He smiled a mellow smile at Remus and waved towards the seat, his eyes twinkling - they were that same icy-blue as Sirius’, Remus thought. From what he’d seen at the feast, he liked Dumbledore, he wasn’t the illiberal, severe, matron-like headmaster that Remus was expecting, but he seemed open-minded and full of humanity. And Remus thought he recognised him from somewhere, but could not quite put a finger on it. 

‘’Afternoon Mr Lupin, I do hope that Hogwarts has welcomed you nicely so far!’’ He took a second to watch the boy and Remus was quite taken aback that he wasn’t having his head bitten off by now, given the circumstances. His voice was actually calm and soothing. He simply nodded slowly and tried to smile, Hogwarts had been quite magical, he had to admit. Remus didn’t quite feel intimidated, but like he needed to be respectful to the large presence in front of him and thought he ought to say a few words, especially as the headmaster had so far had no intention of prejudicing Remus for his condition which he most definitely must know about. ‘’Erm, ye, it’s quite... incredible really... Sir.’’ He’d never quite felt shy like this before and his attempt to sound more respectable was funny in his rough accent.

Dumbledore chuckled a little and then cocked his head slightly, “Tell me Remus, how did you find my office?” Remus didn’t consider that he’d be asked this and couldn’t exactly tell the headmaster that he’d sniffed it out, could he! But then there was no other valid explanation of how he’d managed to find a room in a place as ginormous as Hogwarts without any help. ‘’Erm... I sort of... could sense it. With my... you know. Different magic smells different.’’ Unexpectedly, the Professor’s face looked fascinated. ‘’Really! Well I certainly wouldn’t mind being able to do that myself!” He paused for a second, thoughtfully, and then continued “I can’t imagine how awful it must be Remus, the lycanthropy, but you  _should_ use what you can to your strengths sometimes.” He didn’t even know what lycanthropy meant but could take a pretty good guess. Remus just carried on twiddling his fingers and couldn’t bring himself to look up to the man. He now realised what was coming next.

“I’m afraid that is what I’m hear to talk to you about today. I’m sure you’re well aware the next full moon approaches us in two days; myself and a couple of other very trusted members of staff have taken several precautions to try and run this as smoothly as possible. You will of course know that you have to be held in a charmed room, but we have decided on a special underground passageway to lead you to the isolated location. A great tree has been planted so there’s no need to worry about yours or others’ safety and your head of house will be there to escort you, both at night and in the morning. Madam Pomfrey from the hospital wing will care to your needs also, I myself can say she is one of the very best. If you will meet them in the hospital wing at an adequate time. And I once again will say how sorry I am for how this has turned out for you.’’

Once he’d finished, Remus felt quite funny. It actually seemed like he’d gone out of his way to provide him with the best support he could in a situation like this, but why? Remus was still suspicious, he had never been able to trust an adult as none he’d ever met had given him any reason to. He was expecting a ‘however...’ at any time now but none came. The man just smiled slightly while looking intently at him. Remus finally nodded, and finally looked up into those reassuring eyes. 

‘’One more thing... I heard about yesterday’s...’’ He struggled for the right words ‘’ mishap...’’ Oh god, Remus thought, here it came. ‘’And I would simply like to say, it appears you’ve found yourself quite a few good friends. And being a fierce friend is one quality I look on most admirably.’’ Remus was shocked, he had every right to be screaming at him right now. Remus also pondered in the word ‘friend’. He hasn’t really considered it but maybe they could be classed as his friends now. ‘’However you must be careful to exercise caution with some of your emotions sometimes... we often let them get the better of ourselves. I myself find that keeping a diary helps me to contain these emotions.’’ He took out a bulging umber-brown book from a drawer of his desk and waved it at Remus, smiling, before placing a fresh one in front of him. ‘’Try it... it does help!’’ He looked at it for a second, perplexed, and then took it. ‘’Erm, thankyou... very much.’’

Dumbledore chuckled again before saying ‘’Well, that is all I need you for, I’m sure you’re missing your lesson terribly right about now!’’ Remus begin to get up and didn’t quite know what he should say, ‘’Thanks... again... Sir...’’

Dumbledore smiled one last time as Remus started to leave. ‘’Oh one more thing Mr Lupin... take a sweet if you’d like!’’ Remus cocked his head in surprise before taking one of the wrapped yellow sweets and left the room. 

He was completely dumbfounded as he made his way back down the stairs. That was the last way he had expected the meeting to pan out. He hadn’t even got time to think about everything that had just been said as he’d reached the opening again. He wasn’t expecting the three boys to still be there as he made his way past the gargoyle again but there they were; he quickly shoved the diary up his way-too-large robes. James was pacing up and down the corridor and Sirius was biting at the end of his nails, slouched against the wall with Peter. They all abruptly turned, wide-eyed when Remus appeared. He smiled a genuinely relieved smile at them. ‘’Well...’’ Sirius uttered, breath drawn. ‘’It’s just... never to happen again.’’ They all stared at him for a moment, clearly not fully believing what they were hearing. When Remus didn’t say anything else, James exclaimed ‘’Oh thank god!! What a relief!’’ And with that, they began on their way to their potions lesson. Remus felt there was nothing more he needed to say on the matter.


	10. In the still of the night (The Five Satins)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Quite a detailed scene of suffering and affliction (Remus’ transformation) so I wouldn’t recommend reading this chapter if you really don’t like that sort of thing. Also includes parts of indirect self harm (as the wolf).

_ 29th September 1971 _

It was nearing 4 o’clock and Remus was sat in his final lesson of the day, astronomy. He felt awful. His brain was demanding energetic expenditure as the wolf growled more prominently from within, but all he could do was focus on the constellations he was labelling on his chart. The heat of the classroom was crawling into his pores and felt suffocating, but the gentle breeze drifting in from the window was like stinging ice on his exposed skin; full moons didn’t usually feel this bad but the hum of magic he could feel around him was like fuel to the mauling creature. 

When they’d chosen their seats for today’s lesson, he’d steered as far away as possible from the three boys to prevent any speculation. He was especially annoyed because he usually enjoyed astronomy and Professor Sinistra’s only homework so far had been to stargaze whenever they got chance, which he often did anyway. Desperately trying to fight the writhing stimulation with every second that drew the night closer, Remus began to break out in a cold sweat, clutching underneath his table. He’d sat on the free seat next to Lily Evans at the back of the classroom, too distracted to care that he was voluntarily choosing to sit by a girl. She could clearly see his discomfort but thankfully didn’t chivvy him, just gave him a sympathetic smile and offered him some of her water. Usually he hated being pitied but his ego bore no importance right now. Gratefully, he scarfed it down and all he could do was cling onto the thought that he’d be leaving soon.

Quick as silver, Remus shot up at the bell and flitted out of the room with his bag slung over his shoulder, aiming for his secret little spot at the top of the astronomy tower. He spent the next few hours curled up tightly as though he was suffering from withdrawal - the pain was sharp and overpowering but he was used to it. He couldn’t go to the hospital wing yet, not when he wasn’t even injured... he couldn’t just whine to the nurse when this was his own fault anway.

The time came when he knew he had about half an hour to spare. His spine was pulsating in agony but he walked at a casual speed back down the stairs and through the castle, praying that he wasn’t drawing attention to himself, to the hospital wing where he was supposed to meet Professor Mcgonagall. As he arrived, he tried to wipe his face of emotion but couldn’t bring his hand to leave his spine - the bones feeling like they were grinding and trying to realign already. Madam Pomfrey (who Remus had been informed was the school’s nurse) and Mcgonagall (head of gryffindor house) both bustled over to him immediately. 

Madam Pomfrey was in a white pinafore over a red under-layer, short icy-blonde curls pinned back, and the gentle rosiness of her cheeks indicated that she’d been busy. Mcgonagall was right by her side in a silk, black dress with thin emerald robes and her hair was in a fancy updo. It was a rich caramel colour with the odd couple of blonder streaks swimming through. 

‘’Oh love, you should have come earlier, I could have given you something for the pain... oh and I’m Madam Pomfrey.’’ she smiled cordially and began to steer him out of the hospital, Mcgonagall staying firmly by her side. He was too distracted to give any kind of reply so just walked with his head down, feeling like an invalid as she went over the plan again. 

‘’I’ll be right here at the crack of dawn, don’t you worry.’’ Mcgonagall was speaking now but her usual stern façade had completely softened and her face had an uncharacteristic, at least in Remus’ opinion, gentleness. Oh yeah, not to worry, Remus thought. It’s not like I’m going to be trying to kill myself through the night. They had taken a discreet side route out of the castle and were now stood before a very bizarre tree with the darkness of night creeping up around them. Brandishing it’s robust and maniacal branches, it was as though the tree was waiting for its first victim to unleash its pent up agression on. Remus quirked his eyebrow at the two women and saw that Madam Pomfrey was looking suddenly dubious at the idea too, but Professor Mcgonagall, ever composed, did the most unusual thing. In a blur, the tall woman had transformed into none other than a small tabby cat with no resemblance to her former self other than the square markings around the eyes, presumably from her glasses.

Remus was stunned, turning round to Madam Pomfrey with his mouth gaped open. The little cat ventured forward and seemed to press down on a specific branch, the tree becoming suddenly placid. She was smiling fondly at the cat, ‘’She’s great isn’t she,’’ Pomfrey marvelled. Remus assumed that not everyone could do this then. The other two followed the cat down a small slope at an opening and through a long tunnel. They both had to crouch for the low ceiling. After a rather long walk, the dim tunnel began to rise. Mcgonagall, well the cat, disappeared out of view, and Remus and Pomfrey followed up through the gap. The long-abandoned room which they entered was utterly dismal. Paper was peeling from grimy walls, the floorboards were sprinkled in a layer of dust and the windows were barred up as if keeping whatever foul spirits lived here from escaping to the light. There were the odd pieces of furniture suffocating in dust: a maroon armchair, an empty wooden bookshelf, a small burgundy couch. It seemed as though the rather large room could once have been perhaps homely and warm, a stark contrast to the desolate condition now. 

‘’It’s far from cosy I’m afraid, but it’s the safest place for you,’’ Mcgonagall was back in human form now. ‘’S’fine, place at the home was worse.’’

It was true, a room in an abandoned building quite far away from the home had been devoted for Remus’ ‘business’ but was minuscule in comparison to here. It had to be isolated and protected so no locals could hear the agonising howls of the wolf. It came to him, just now as he was thinking, of who Dumbledore was. When he’d been abandoned by his father at the meagre age of 5 after the attack, it had been Dumbledore who came and rescued him from where he had been left to bleed out at his old home. It was a very vague memory, but snippets of excruciated wails and firm hands (not his father’s but similarly protective) around himself. So it must have been him who had chosen the children’s home for him to spend the next 6 forlorn years of his life. Splendid decision Professor, Remus thought. Matron would have had to have been convinced to take him in, likely with a rather peculiar conversation, despite his condition, but he guessed that a sum of money would’ve been enough to sway her. And the room was likely to have been decided by Dumbledore too then. So it was sorted, matron left him to walk the hour journey to and from, before and after the full moons, providing very limited medical care to his pummelled body afterwards. 

So he was actually grateful for the current room and the short journey that they’d undertaken to get here now. Pomfrey began to empty the contents of the bag she’d prepared and brought for tonight. She placed a few large slabs of meat on one of the shelves and a healing potion for the aftermath. Remus was confident that this was pointless, the beast wanted blood and to conflict pain so the meat would be a mere snack and the potion would be smashed to pieces by morning. Despite this, she’d taken time to try and help so he politely thanked her... it wasn’t often people did things for him. After a final apprehensive glance to each other that Remus caught, and a kind smile to him, they were gone, and Remus could see the magic working on the door and walls like it had done back at home. He was left to simply wait now and began to pace after removing his clothes, clutching his back until an accelerating tingle began up his spine.

Like a sparking current was running through him, he felt all his bones almost unhinge from each other with searing pain. His spine lengthened and shoulders protruded sharply and much broader than his usual gangly frame. His soft skin, where not scarred, was stretched in excruciating throes over the new structures of his body while his heart began to pulsate vehemently and blood coursed excitedly through his body. He dropped to the floor anticipating what was about to follow.  SNAP the first bone in his leg broke and, like always, Remus tried to breathe through the pain as the many more cracks of bones all up his legs and arms sounded, but, like always, he was soon uncontrollably screaming. The worse was yet to come. His jaw snapped back into place and skull broke as a layer of gorgeous, icy grey fur singed through his pores. Paws protruded through each of his legs with keen claws and piercing fangs harrowed through his gums. The ears that pricked on his head became 100 times more attentive for the sound of creatures around and his honey eyes narrowed into pale green slits. The screaming stopped, cut off with a deep and beautiful howl as his vocal chords shifted to that of a canine. And the wolf stood captivatingly, its stance confident and body muscular under themystical presence of the full moon.

_ Its paws kissed the earth softly and there was a serenity in its eyes. The wolf’s head turned slowly. Its ears pricked. Snout sniffed. But there was no sign of fresh prey lingering in the muggy air, and the wolf was hungry. Ravenous. It began to get disconcerted, probing the room for movement, wanting its playtime. It was trapped. But the walls would not budge as the wolf threw itself at them, and the door would not come down no matter how much it was slashed. Every inch of wall and floor was mauled at, but still, the wolf was imprisoned. Blazing with indignation, the wolf then tore at the furniture and smashed the bottle that had flown out of somewhere. Mitigating the rampage for only seconds, some meat was devoured but all it did was augment that burning hunger for blood. The room was in shreds but the wolf was still immured. All that was left for the wolf to do was take that fury and distress and begin to lacerate itself... _


	11. Thears on my pillow (We are the imperials)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Mention of injury and a little graphic in some parts, wolf aftermath.

_ 30th September 1971 _

The bones of Remus’ body ruptured back into position, leaving him scuffling on the now grooved wooden floor. Even after all these years, he was still so scared every time he woke back up. He was wheezing for breath when he saw the blurred shapes of a figure knelt beside him. He flinched at the sudden touch and squinted to make out Professor Mcgonagall looking down at him. Her hand remained gently on him while she was cleaning up some of the blood from fresh scars with her wand. Every part of his body was throbbing and the pain only intensified as he tried to curl up more to cover his exposed body on the floor in front of her. He whimpered but the noise came out hoarse, which then only made the thudding pain of his chest worse. ‘’I think that’s a broken rib dear, here we are...’’Her hands gently unfurled Remus’ arms from across his chest and the pain there was relieved with a simple flick of her wand a moment later. 

He lay motionless on the floor, fighting back tears, just praying that the pain would go away soon. His bones were trying to settle back into their positions while Mcgonagall stood and went to collect his clothes from a corner of the room. The wolf had managed to tear through his robe but with another flick of her wand, it was back in one piece. He tried to lift his arms above his head to begin dressing but the pain was intense and made his stomach start to churn. ‘’Let me...’’ she said softly and slowly made a start with his shirt and then the jumper and tie and the rest. He resisted her touch at first but she was being so soft and gentle that eventually, he relaxed his limbs and just let her.

They took a slow journey back to the hospital wing an hour later, when Remus could manage to stand without feeling like he was going to fall apart again. The first light of the morning was creeping up, and a blanketed bed was waiting for him in the bright white of the wing. Remus let himself drowse for the next half an hour after drinking the healing potion Madam Pomfrey had insisted on, after checking over him once more for any major breaks. This was a stark improvement to his usual after care which involved a biting swab of TCP all over his cuts and a few plasters for the worst areas. ‘’Most of the scars go down after a couple days,’’ he’d told her sleepily when he saw the startled look on her face at the fresh scarlet slices on his forearms as she pulled his robe up. She tried to hide the tears threatening to spring from her eyes as she stroked his messy hair out of his face and left around the curtain to speak to Mcgonagall again. His exhaustion and her tenderness that was so alien to him made his own eyes begin to well up but he quickly wiped at his face and set his head back on the pillow. 

The sound of their hushed voices nearing him arose Remus from his fidgety nap. ‘’Oh and those big brown eyes Poppy...’’ he heard Mcgonagall say sadly ‘’...so like his father’s...’’ This shocked Remus awake from his groggy haze. She knew his father? But how? And she seemed to know more than Remus did about him, he had no clue what he even looked like nor what he did in his life that could lead to the two knowing each other. As they both came around the curtain to check up on him, the pain was subsided and instead he was filled with anger and loathing. ‘’Lyall is not my father.’’ He said shortly. The term father was much more than just a biological connection, parents don’t leave their children when things get complicated. They don’t abandon all responsibility at a time when what the child needs most is love and support. She looked sad, ‘’Of course not... I’m sorry.’’ She must know then, Remus thought, she must know that the two had no form of contact whatsoever. She was bound to, with Dumbledore quite literally rescuing Remus from the death bed his father had left him in.

After Madam Pomfrey had exhausted all her efforts into Remus, he asked if he could leave. The achy pain all over had not been flushed away with all her special concoctions, neither had the new pain that Remus hadn’t expected to feel when his father had been mentioned. But he was going to have to face the day like everyone else was, do normal lessons and eat at the normal place with his normal companions, even if the way he felt was very far from normal. After one more check over, she reluctantly let him go.

Remus carefully made his way from the hospital wing back in the direction of his dorm, breakfast wouldn’t have started yet and he could try and jump back into bed before anyone was awake. But to his surprise, as he turned the corner on the 7th floor, he saw three rosy cheeked boys scampering along the corridor. ‘’There he is!’’ Peter exclaimed, sounding relieved, and they began to dash in his direction. ‘’Remus we’ve been looking for you all morning! We went to Mcgonagall last night when you never came back to the dorm. We thought maybe your detention had been moved, but hours passed. And even she wasn’t in her bleeding office the three times we went to check!’’James babbled. ‘’And I got out of bed at 6 while we did rounds of the whole castle again! 6! Searched the greenhouses and everything in case one of those bouncing bulbs had managed to knock you clean out!’’ Sirius giggled. Remus was stood wide-eyed at the boys. He hadn’t even expected them to really notice or care that he was missing, never mind actually be looking for him. No wonder they couldn’t find him though, he’d been in possibly the best hiding place in the whole castle. What he was most shocked at was that Sirius had got himself out of bed earlier than the usual 5 minutes he left himself to throw his clothes on and head down to breakfast. 

‘’I... I’m sorry I was erm, I was with Mcgonagall. She needed me for something.’’ James’ eyes widened, ‘’Mcgonagall! What did she want?’’ he asked excitedly. Remus looked away from them and tried to think of an explanation ‘’Er she...’’ ‘’Don’t worry, don’t have to tell us if you don’t want,’’ thank god for Peter, Remus thought, and gave him a grateful smile. James accepted that his curiousity was not going to be fulfilled and so changed his priority ‘’Okay... anyone hungry then?’’

The noise of the great hall pounded at Remus’ head and he couldn’t even bring himself to eat anything. He rested his head on the table and groaned. Why couldn’t everyone just bloody shutup for a minute? ‘’Eeeeek! It’s from Ruby, oh I miss her so much!!’’ A girl called Mary not far from where Remus was sat was squealing about a letter that had just been delivered by a very disoriented looking owl. That was the final straw for Remus, the noise, that was intensified by his throbbing head, was just getting ridiculous. ‘’I’ll see you later.’’ He huffed at the others before slouching off back up to the common room. The quiet of the dorm hit him and he straight away felt better. He took a second to just breathe and touch his bed, then touch the walls, then touch the drawers and Sirius’ bed and the bathroom door and his toothbrush and James’ hairbrush and Peter’s floss and Sirius’ shampoo (a volumising, deep-cleansing, nourishing, hydrating formula for thick hair). Just to remind himself that he was most definitely here, in the affinity of his bedroom, and not trapped in a cell, slashing at the walls to be freed.

He walked back to his bed and picked up the brown book he’d hidden under his mattress and then rummaged in his suitcase to find the half-eaten chocolate bar he knew he’d packed. Might as well give it a try, he thought. Taking a pencil and walking back to the bathroom, he slouched down the wall and opened the diary onto the first page. And then he stared at it for a good 5 minutes wondering where on earth to start while snapping off a bar of his very substantial breakfast. He came to the conclusion that drawing always calmed him, to a certain extent, so he might aswell try that. He began to sketch those tall ears and the strong legs and piercing eyes as best he could from memory. As he looked down at the image, Remus confirmed that coming across his werewolf self would be possibly one of the most frightening things he could think of. He quickly added the date of the full moon and stroked his finger down the thick fur on its back. 

He put the book down, ashamed that that was what he truly was, and began to bite aggravatingly at the skin beside his fingers. A second later he heard footsteps,the sharp slam of the dorm door, and then those same footsteps coming towards the bathroom. The door swung open and in he came, furious at something, and walked to the wall, head and fists now resting on it. Remus cocked his eyebrow up and then mumbled, ‘’Oi this is my place to be dwelling on how utterly unfair life is.’’ ‘’Well it’s  _ our _ place now.’’ Sirius grumbled back. And then as if Remus’ words were his que, Sirius let it all tumble out.

‘’They think they have the right to tell you who your family is! They think they know it all just because you’re the same blood and hold the same name and come from the same  pretty little house of bloody black.  Well James Fleamont Potter! I’ve got news for you! Not all of us have these perfect little lives with mummy and daddy who love us so very much! Not all of us have been wrapped in bubble wrap from the second we came into this bloody world! Oh I’ll tell you how I feel about those... those...  _COUSINS_ of mine!’’

Remus was quite impressed actually at how well Sirius had just put his little speech. He raised his eyebrows, cocked his head and nodded in agreement to him. The boy looked a little shocked at Remus’ reaction but solemnlyreturned the nod and then proceeded to pace up and down the bathroom in his fury. He could only manage about 3 steps either way, however. ‘’God and this bathroom is so tiny I can’t even rampage without having to dodge around a toilet,’’ he said exasperated. Remus didn’t agree with this part, however. This was the biggest bathroom he’d ever been in. Just the fact that there was a seat on the toilet made it an improvement from the home. 

Finally done, Sirius slid down the wall and sat next to Remus, still with a large frown on his forehead. They both stared ahead at the wall for a few minutes, Remus continuing the lethal attack on his nails. Then Sirius turned his head and stared intently at Remus. ‘’What’s wrong with you anyway?’’ Remus shrugged and amusingly thought of all all the ways that Sirius would react to Remus telling him he was a werewolf. ‘’Doesn’t matter.’’ Sirius didn’t break his intense stare, however, until Remus grabbed the chocolate from the side of him  “Want some?’’ He offered. Sirius looked down at it and finally broke the frown across his dark eyebrows. He snapped a bar off and smirked. And so they spent the next 20 minutes of breakfast frowning at the wall opposite them and gnawing their way through chocolate (and for Remus occasionally his nails) in a comfortable silence. That was until the bathroom door swung open again and James and Peter stuck their heads around. ‘’Come on, we need to be at the greenhouses in 10 minutes.’’ Remus and Sirius both looked up to the two boys and simultaneously grunted ‘’We’re busy sulking!’’James muttered something under his breath that even Remus couldn’t hear and then the two of them left. 10 minutes later Remus and Sirius reluctantly dragged themselves down and across the grounds to the greenhouses.

The day went by in a whirl of lessons that Remus dropped mentally in and out of. He had to quickly leave potions as  he heaved outside of the classroom door, his stomach still not sitting right. Luckily they’d been taught a spell a couple of days ago that he cleared it up with. He did manage to produce quite a satisfactory mending charm they’d been taughtin second period which Flitwick awarded him 5 points for, after waddling over and checking the no longer cracked mirror on his desk. James had also managed the spell next to Remus and was using the mirror now to try to flatten the one little tuft of hair that always spiked up. ‘’Watch, it’ll crack again if you look at it for too long,’’ Remus sneered at him. 

The boys spent their free time after all their lessons had finished to make a start on the potions essay they’d been set the previous day; they were starting to get a fair amount of homework now.

‘’And... perfume!’’ James gave them his final use of dragon’s blood. 

‘’You’re telling me dragon’s blood makes a dandy perfume! James do those spectacles need a good wiping?’’ Sirius chimed, he seemed to have forgiven James for whatever he’d said earlier that day.

‘’Alas... I have in fact discovered James’ wild theory is correct...  _ dragon's blood has a strong earthy scent and makes for an excellent perfume! _ ’’ Remus replied dramatically. 

‘’See Sirius, I’m not just a pretty face,’’ James laughed. 

And with that, the 3 uses of dragon’s blood they each contributed had given them the total 12 they needed, and they had about an hour an half before dinner started. They decided to enjoy the last of the year’s sunshine out in the grounds. Remus threw on an extra jumper over his uniform and they made their way out, passing a group of giddy seventh years congregated in the dorm room who always dominated the best couches. 

James had brought some homemade eccles cakes out and Peter had suggested battleships that he’d brought from home. After explaining the game to an again confused James and Sirius, they began to play. James and Remus teamed up against Sirius and Peter and were holding up a strong 3-0 lead which Sirius was getting all in a huff over. Peter had already had to remind him twice that he can’t just move their ships halfway through the game. It was an enjoyable hour or so, followed by them ambling back into the castle for dinner. 

Unsurprisingly, sleep would not come to Remus at all that night as he lay in his four poster, staring up at the darkness. He could hear James’ light snores, and Peter’s heavy breathing, but Sirius always slept so soundlessly. Remus had noticed on a few occasions that James also talked in his sleep, often very incomprehensible arguments with himself which Remus found highly entertaining none the less. A couple of nights ago, he swore he’d heard a different language coming out of his mouth, or maybe he’d just imagined that. Remus was exhausted. But every time his eyelids fell shut, images of sharp claws and bared fangs flooded his mind and became unbearable. And he was scared. With a sigh, Remus crept out of bed and over to James on the side of him, stepping in just the right places that he’d discovered made no creaks. He grabbed the invisibility cloak from its usual place and made the journey out of the dorm, through the common room, along the long-deserted corridors, up the flight of stairs, and then up the final spiral staircase to the top of the tower. 

But he wasn’t alone tonight. In the moonlight, a silhouette was curled up against the wall, gazing into the sky. As he walked closer, he spotted who those two long red plaits belonged to. ‘’I never thought I’d see the day when Evans was breaking the rules,’’ he teased softly as to not startle her too much. She gave a slight jump but then smiled as she saw Remus padding over. Oh no, Remus thought, absolutely catastrophic timing. He could make out the gentle tear trickling down her heavily freckled face. He didn’t do well with tears. He sidled over and slid down the wall a few metres away from her, averting his gaze to the wispy stars decorating the night sky. He decided he couldn’t just say nothing, so he managed a ‘’Y’alright?’’ And felt that was satisfactory. She wiped her eyes and hugged her knees closer to herself ‘’Yeah, I’m just being silly that’s all. I miss home a lot. I’ve never been away for this long, you know.’’ 

Remus contemplated this for a moment and wondered what it would feel like to love someone so much that you felt you couldn’t live without them. He thought it must be quite nice. 

‘’I couldn’t sleep so I came out here, it’s so beautiful... hey how come you’re here?’’

‘’Couldn’t sleep either, so I came out to watch the stars...’’

‘’It really is beautiful,’’ she awed but Remus could see another tear breaking from her eyelid. He ought to say something to try and comfort her, but he had to think for a good minute. 

‘’Hey, obviously the moon is the same from wherever you are, isn’t it? And the stars too. Just think, your mum and dad could be gazing up at exactly the same spot as you are now. So you might not be with them in person, but they’re here with you really...’’

She turned around to face him and a genuine smile played on her face, showing the little chip on one of her front teeth, before she turned back and tilted her head thoughtfully up at the moon. ‘’Yeah, yeah I guess you’re right,’’ she whispered softly. 

They sat under the soothing blanket of night for a while before Lily spoke again. 

‘’How come you can’t sleep?’’ She asked as she gazed over at him.

He carried on staring up at the sky but mumbled ‘’It’s stupid...’’

‘’It’s not stupid!’’ She said with a genuine notes of seriousness in her voice. He finally glanced over at her. She looked so tiny and soft huddled up in her nighty and something relaxed inside Remus. 

‘’It’s just... I get... really bad sort of nightmares.’’

‘’Oh that’s not stupid at all! Listen, my sister used to get them all the time and they could be horrible, she’d wake the whole house up sometimes without even realising.’’ She thought for a moment, ‘’I don’t know if it works for everyone, but she uses these oils at night... and they’re supposed to clear your mind you know, keep the foggy thoughts away. Mum might have packed some in my trunk if you want me to check for you?’’

Remus doubted that anything would calm those horrendous images that sprung on him but she was just trying to help, ‘’Thanks,’’ he tried to smile. 

They stayed there for quite some time, not saying much but just being there. Remus felt his eyelids growing heavy and he wasn’t sure if the enigmatic wisps of light he was seeing were real or not. He also wasn’t sure how long it had been but he was surprised to come out of his little nap to still be out in the night, with Lily gently shaking him. ‘’Hey it’s getting really late, we should head back.’’ She whispered. Remus sleepily got up and followed her, and it was only when they got back into the warmth of the castle that he realised how chilly it had been out there. Once they’d parted ways, Remus crept back into the dorm and was met with the gentle noise of the sleeping boys. He checked his watch on his bedside table and was startled to realise they must have been out there a few hours, and miraculously, as soon as his head hit the pillow, he went out like a light. 


	12. Autumn leaves (Natalie Cole)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> None :)

_ 9th October 1971 _

October came and brought the heart of autumn with it. The breeze was rich with the aroma of the earth and the trees around the castle were now decorated in auburn reds and sunset oranges. Shafts of the remaining sunlight caressed the carpet of reds and golds on the grounds. The boys spent most of their evenings sat by the blazing fire that cracked and spat embers satisfyingly, and that was where they were tonight, finishing off some charms homework. They had a good system of each taking a section of the essay to research and complete, and then passing around their notes to have the work finished in less than half the time it probably would’ve taken alone. There was only one occasion where this turned out quite unsuccessful; James hadn’t been listening properly and managed to copy down nearly all of Peter’s section of the astronomy notes when he realised he’d been researching the same thing as him the whole time. 

It was nearing 10 o’clock as they made their way back up to their dorm after finishing with a few games of battleships, passing the common room notice board on the way up. Peter had caught something, ‘’Oh look! First and second year halloween party... I bet that’ll be so fun!’’ He exclaimed excitedly as the other three came over to read the new notice that had been pinned up too. Remus scanned the poster and indeed, there was a fancy dress party being advertised for the 31st. Remus’ first thought was when the full moon was, but he was relieved to remember that he would have 10 days between the two events. Phew, he thought... that would’ve been a hard one to get out of. The boys at the home had actually been allowed out to go trick-or-treating for a few years now (matron probably revelled in the idea of being able to get rid of them all for a night), and it was one of Remus’ favourite times of the year... free chocolate! He remembered one year when he’d actually been dressed up by a couple of the older boys and got to go around the local neighbourhood with them. They’d found it hilarious to turn him into a ghost, cutting holes into a sheet they’d nicked from the store cupboard and smearing fake blood (well ketchup) all down his front. It appeared they’d got a lot more sweets than they had done previous years when they hadn’t even bothered to try and dress up; it was one of Remus’ only fond memories of the place. 

Now, he was wondering how they were supposed to dress up here. Maybe parents were supposed to send costumes? Or perhaps people might have already packed their own? He’d never thought of this. ‘’Oh we are so going to that!’’ James marvelled. ‘’And we need the best costumes, of course!’’

They spent a few hours that night in deep discussion over what they should go as, tucked into a midnight feast of combined treats they’d all brought from home on Sirius’ bed. ‘’I’ll try and get mum and dad to send over the costumes if I tell them what we want to go as, or we can just try and figure something out ourselves.’’ James had suggested while stuffing a bar of Remus’ chocolate into his mouth. A huge variety of options had been thrown around to discuss. Sirius had never really celebrated halloween, and Remus could tell with some of the ideas he came up with, ‘’We should dress up as house elves!!’’ He giggled, ‘’I’m sure there’ll be a spell to grow long floppy ears!’’ He imitated the ears of an elf with his hands and rolled over in a fit of giggles. ‘’No, no... zombies!! Like realllyyy dead zombies! Blood everywhere!’’ Peter cried while lolling his tongue out and rolling his eyes in a great zombie impression. Remus nearly choked on the chocolate brownie he was eating when James had suggested, ‘’Imagine if we went as werewolves!’’ And did his best version of a howl. Remus quickly changed the subject, ‘’We should go as... big eggs, sausage, bacon and toast!’’ Peter roared with laughter and James proceeded to log-roll himself around like a sausage on the bed. Remus found himself lost in several fits of giggles that night, and that was when he realised that these were the first true friends he’d ever had. He could confidently call them that now. And it felt so good, letting yourself get swept away by laughter and plans and excitement. It was at least 2 o’clock when they’d all sleepily trudged back to their own beds and decided to sleep on some of the ideas. 

The next evening, Remus found himself with a free couple of hours, and nothing to do. Sirius had landed himself his second detention of the year for calling Remus a ‘’JAMMY TART!’’ across the transfiguration classroom when he’d managed to levitate his piece of parchment before Sirius had. Remus’ own detention for the scene on the quidditch pitch a couple of weeks ago had involved 4 tedious hours of Remus’ Sunday night cleaning all 4 houses’ quidditch changing rooms with Robbie. Madam Hooch had sent them into the changing rooms at staggered times - with their buckets and sprays and what not - to prevent them trying to ‘strangle eachother’ with their rags. Remus thought that was a smart idea. James had dragged Peter to the quidditch pitch with him tonight for some practice while Remus had solemnly refused to be within feet of a broomstick when he didn’t need to be. It now clicked as to why Peter was so decent at flying, having James pecking his head about it half the time. Instead, Remus had decided to dedicate his spare time to exploring the library for the first time. 

With how grand Hogwarts was, Remus was quite intrigued to see the library here, and he was not disappointed. The broad daylight did not reach the room, but instead, it was the low-hung, almost-vintage chandeliers above him that lit the two-tiered shelves in a gentle glow. The room was filled with murmurs and whispers that ascended up into the dome shape of the ceiling. He walked through, marvelling at the endless array of books lining shelves that seemed to go on for miles. He peered closer at a few books as he passed by them ‘Confronting the faceless’... ‘Travels with trolls’... ‘Vinogrand’s wondrous water plants’ and wondered if there was any wizard topic that wasn’t discussed in great detail among the thousands of books here. When he got to the W section (the shelves were alphabetically ordered) he took a swift turn and made for the other direction again. He had never particularly taken a fancy to reading, but had really quite enjoyed some of the new school books that he’d invested a lot of his boring nights back in summer to, reading cover to cover more than once (all apart from the dull-looking ‘One hundred magical plants and their uses’ one, however). They were interesting, and some of the pictures even moved. 

And he was here tonight for some specific research though; it had been on his mind since the first full moon here, when Mcgonagall had marvellously transformed herself into the little tabby. He took to scanning the shelves with all ‘T’ titled books first, he didn’t know quite what to look for, but figured a general transformations book, or a more specific human transfiguration book may help him out. Or perhaps it was specifically a cat thing?10 minutes later he had selected a couple of titles, ‘Human transfigurations: advanced magic’ by Rolanda Ranger and ‘Cats and their magical properties’ by Elizabeth Longway. There were several long, ridged tables in the middle of the room that were sparsely occupied by studious-looking pupils but right at the back, more people were huddled up over books in groups, or sprawled over some parchment on a couch, or tucked into one of the comfier armchairs alone reading a story. The softer, maroon furniture looked slightly out of the place with the ancient feel of the library, but the area was more out of view of the wrinkled librarian with her lips tightly pursed, currently lecturing a student on the significance of a book being returned late. Remus guessed this would be a better location to choose. He spotted a smaller, empty armchair in the corner and made his way over, the two hefty books weighing his arms down, but was stopped.

‘’Remus?’’ He turned around to see Lily neatly sat on one of the couches on her own, with one book levitated in front of her, one on her left knee and another on the arm of the couch to the right. Her hair was pinned back into a little bun and she looked like she meant business, a long scrawl of parchment hanging down to near the floor. ‘’Merlin, you’ve been busy!’’ He laughed and she smiled, ‘’Well, might’ve got a bit carried away on the properties of lavender in a sleeping draught.’’

He took a seat on the couch, still keeping a little distance from her, and opened up the first book. ‘’What homework are you doing?’’ She asked. ‘’Just doing a bit of research on something,’’ he replied and and almost straight away found exactly what he was looking for. He read through the first few chapters, very intrigued, which gave a detailed account on the properties of this branch of magic: the risks involved, how difficult it was to be done, what it felt like in your animal form.

‘’Hey, you know Mcgonagall’s an animagus, she’s a cat!’’ Remus said excitedly to Lily once he’d finished reading. ‘’No way! Really? I’ve read about those somewhere... being able to turn into an animal at will... I bet that’s so cool!’’ They discussed the topic for a little while before Remus opened up his book again and started on the next chapter of human transfigurations. He hadn’t planned on staying in the library for long, but it was peaceful and Lily was still working on her essay. As he was reading the third chapter, he had a eureka moment.

That night, Remus returned to the 7th floor at around 8 o’clock. He burst into the common room after providing this month’s password (quaffle waffle) and found it deserted apart from Peter, James and Sirius lounging on the best couch by the fire. Peter shot his head up from the muggle book he’d been jadedly reading, ‘’Hey Remus!’’ The two of them hadn’t bothered to get out of their quidditch gear. ‘’I know what we can be for halloween... eachother!’’ He gabbled. The three faces staring back at him held confused expression, but twinkling eyes. He explained all about switching - the sub-branch of transfiguration which involved magically exchanging physical features between two targets. ‘’It’s quite difficult, but we can work it out, and then between us swap our facial features so we’re a mix of each other!’’ James had his mouth dropped open like he was trying to catch flies, ‘’Remus Lupin, you are a genius!’’ So it was decided, they were going to do as much research into it in the next couple of weeks and try and casually slip a couple of questions to Mcgonagall about it. ‘’You’re our best hope for that part Remus, she likes you and you’re pretty good in transfiguration class,’’ Peter had said. ‘’As long as I don’t have to swap my hair,’’ Sirius had said with a dramatic flick of his head, ‘’I’m in!’’


	13. Twist and Shout (Shout!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Small mention of blood.

_ 31st October 1971 _

Halloween at hogwarts was truly magnificent. It fell on a Sunday in the year of 1971, and the boys spent the whole day giddy as dancing dervish for what they were going to pull off that night. Peter had suggested they get all of their homework out of the way in the week before so their whole day would be free; he was quite responsible like that. Remus had had a pleasant lie in until around 11 o’clock after one of the most serene nights of sleep he’d ever had. Maybe it was the excitement for today, or maybe it was the lavender oils that Lily had promised him, but all he knew was that no ominous figure had visited his dreams last night. And he’d woken up, uncharacteristically for Remus, in a very good mood. 

The feast at lunch was exquisite for the occasion: pizza bagels with the mozzarella shaped into little ghosts; sausages wrapped in bacon imitating a bloody finger wrapped in bandages; salad leaves with crackers stood up like graveyards; cheese pies in the shapes of pumpkins; green popcorn that looked awfully like snot; devil’s eyeballs made out of sliced eggs and olives; bloody red velvet cake and little brownies craftily shaped into cats. 

If Remus usually ate a lot, it wasn’t even comparable to today. He filled his plate several times with every delicacy he could see before him. The hall around had cobwebs draped from one end to the other and intricately carved pumpkins lined every long table. The moving spiders dangling down from the ceilings however, didn’t get the approval from Sirius who revealed his great dislike for spiders after letting out the highest pitched scream Remus had ever heard when one tinkled down lightly on his head. ‘’Ruddy spiders,’’ he huffed under his breath after a few heads had turned to giggle. 

The night that was beginning to draw in around the castle was an inky darkness which suited the occasion very well. The boys had been in there dormitory practicing and performing the switching spells for a couple of hours now, making sure everything was perfect. For the past couple of weeks, they’d intensely studied every book they could find on human transfigurations and Remus had managed to discreetly bring it up with Mcgonagall after the second full moon. He’d made sure she would feel extra sorrowful when she came to check on him in his hospital bed - which wasn’t hard as he was so exhausted anyway - and gave her his best look with those big amber eyes.

‘’Professor, can I ask you something?’’

‘’Of course dear,’’ she’d replied with such softness.

‘’Well... I’ve been reading about a specific area of transfiguration. And I was wondering... have you ever done a switching spell before... on a human?’’ She looked a little shocked, as if she hadn’t been expecting that type of question, but was enthusiastic all the same.

‘’As a matter of fact I have done. Would you like to see one?’’ Bingo, Remus thought. She proceeded with a delicate flick of her wand like a ‘p’ shape between her and Madam Pomfrey. And then, resting just above Mcgonagall’s glasses were a pair of fair, blonde eyebrows instead of her usual dark ones which were now on the other woman’s face. 

‘’Wow...’’ Remus whispered, before she swapped them back with the same wand movement and smiled at him, ‘’Can be quite tragic if it goes wrong though, yes i’ve seen a couple of those cases.’’ Remus swallowed a little. 

The second moon had been just as bad as the first, and it was Remus’ shoulders that suffered this time for a good few days after the transformation. They ached like they were made of lead and it took everything in him to manage to stay on his broom in their flying lesson the following week. But at least one good thing had come out it.

It was Sirius and James of course, always eager for anything they probably shouldn’t be doing, who volunteered to go first for the spell on the night of halloween. The other two had stood before them and since Remus had seen it being done, he was the one to raise his wand. He felt a slight knot in his stomach now, looking at the two eager faces he may just distort in the next minute. But he couldn’t back out now, James particularly had done the most work Remus had ever seen him do, and Sirius had made it plain that this was the first and last time he’d ever be voluntarily in the library. On the first attempt, Sirius’ dark, coolly arched left eyebrow flickered, and then a couple of hairs sprung out and Remus gasped a little. Sirius flung his hands up to his face, but laughed when he realised they weren’t bald yet. After further encouragement, he tried the spell again. He remembered all the key pointers he’d read: focused mind, sharp wand movements, objects still. He’d had a couple of months of proper magic teaching now, and so felt quite used to his wand, he just had to believe it would work. And to his astonishment, the wand action must’ve been just right this time as James bushier eyebrow sort of jumped from his to Sirius’ forehead, and vice versa. The two boys turned to each other and their jaws dropped, ‘’It worked!’’ they said in unison, reaching to the other’s face and marvelling. 

And with that they were off. It often took a few attempts to create any sort of movement but between them all they managed it. Sirius had a strong confidence in his magic that showed in his faultless wand movements, and was the second one of them to manage the spell. James also had a clear natural knack and although his focus wasn’t fully there yet, he too mastered the spell. Peter was a little behind and it took him a few goes, but the others were patient and he was thrilled when he too managed it. So James and Sirius had one eyebrow swapped, and Remus inherited one of Peter’s fair blonde ones while the bushier, almost auburn eyebrow

from himself looked very peculiar underneath Peter’s wisps of blonde hair. Remus swapped Peter and Sirius’ other eyebrow to each other and Peter did the same to James and Remus. It felt nothing like the transformations he was used to, more like a soft pop. Next it was noses. This task took quite a bit more concentration. Eventually, James had managed to swap Sirius’ and Remus’. Remus’ nose was pretty, softly freckled and smooth. Sirius’ had a sleek, smooth shape too, but was slightly bigger and felt a little funny on Remus’ face. Peter’s little nose was now on James and had been replaced by the bumpier one of James’ which had a little birth mark on the side. They all wrinkled their new noses and giggled... it felt so weird. They moved onto lips and it took a good while before James composed himself and stop laughing as Remus aimed his wand up at him, threatening to get rid of his lips completely if he didn’t shutup, ‘’I know how to do it James, and I will,’’ this was a slight lie but it worked and with a final giggle, James let Remus do the spell. Sirius had James’ plumper lips now and James looked awfully like Sirius as he pulled that characteristic grin that Sirius always wore. It felt weird to Remus to have Peter’s thinner lips than his usual, quite full ones. 

They were almost done, and Remus really didn’t think risking eyes would be necessary really, but James insisted, ‘’Go big or go home boys!’’ So reluctantly, Remus stood before James next to Sirius and prayed deeply that he’d still have his eyesight by the end of the night. James stuck his tongue out, concentrating hard. Remus had never seen this focused side to James. Miraculously, Remus saw the most peculiar thing... he was now staring into the deep amber eyes and almost femininely long eyelashes of his own, but on Sirius’ face. They’d both been switched, maybe James had been concentrating too hard. After Sirius had finally swapped James’ dark brown eyes with Peter’s bright green ones, the boys marvelled at themselves in the bathroom mirror for a good 5 minutes. At 11 years old, this was one of the most exciting things they could ever be doing. The weirdest thing to Remus were the piercing blue, icy orbs that were looking back at him. 

‘’We’ve done it!’’ Sirius exclaimed gleefully in his rather high pitched voice. 

‘’Bloody hell!’’ Remus breathed.

‘’Best. Day. Ever.’’ James said.

It was very peculiar to see Peter with James’ thin glasses on - the sight went with the eyes apparently.

‘’If my mother could see what we’re doing right now... she’d be livid!’’ Sirius said excitedly. Remus still wasn’t sure why he strived to disobey his family so much, but now wasn’t the time to wonder. Next were the clothes. The boys didn’t have particularly distinguishable styles but swapped as best they could: Remus was now wearing one of James’ red hoodies from some sort of quidditch match and a pair of black jeans. Peter had Sirius’ tailored black plants that were just a little snug, and a black jacket with a white shirt to match. Remus had never seen an outfit like that on anyone his age. James was wearing one of Remus’ plain black hoodies and simple jeans, and Sirius had on a similar outfit of Peter’s.

As 7:30pm came around, the 4 boys rushed down into the common room and joined the group of giddy first years who were stood with two of gryffindor’s prefects... Andrew Thomas and Cassia Macmillan. There was a funny smell coming from the corner of 7th years, giggling around something, that Remus recognised from the home. One of the girls, Mary, smiled at the boys as they strutted over but then did a double take and her mouth dropped open, ‘’You... how?’’ She was whispering, aghast, and pointed from one to the other. They all laughed and James spoke grandly, “A master never reveals their secrets!” as more and more people were turning around and staring at them. Even the prefects seemed shocked and the girl came over, eyeing them closely, “You have got to be kidding me...’’

In the spectacularly decorated great hall, it was the same situation; they were merely glanced at at first sight but then people slowly realised that they all had mismatched eyes and noses and mouths. The boys played along with the idea and began to take up each other’s voices too. James took to dropping half of his letters to try and imitate Remus’ rough english which was actually really quite funny. Sirius shoved Remus every time he lifted his chin, raised the pitch of his voice and spoke in long, exaggerated sentences which received fits of laughter from Peter and James every time. 

Everyone looked incredible in their outfits at the party. There were a few obviously muggle costumes: a boy who Remus recognised from hufflepuff was dressed as a bloody pirate with a hook, another girl had a silky black bodysuit on with a tail and cat ears and one gryffindor boy was stuttering around in a zombie outfit as though he’d just woken up from the dead. Then there were some costumes aided with magic. One gryffindor boy, dressed as a bloody vampire, was running around, grinning and telling anyone he could find that his older brother had grew him fangs for teeth. Mary - who was very impressed with the boy’s costumes - was dressed up as a matching dead school girl (pigtails and all) with another blonde girl, who Remus didn’t know the name of, and had used a spell to add very real looking blood all down themselves. 

‘’Hey, look,’’ Remus sniggered as he pointed to a small boy running around with a pumpkin he’d given himself for a head. The others giggled as the boy accidentally ran straight into the wall opposite them, the pumpkin didn’t appear to have slits for his eyes. 

A little while later, Peter and Remus had gone to journey for the party food around the edges of the hall when they ran into Lily. ‘’No. Way.’’ She gawped at them as Peter put his arm around Remus and laughed, ‘’Who’s who?’’ She herself had some sort of brunette wig on and was with Snape, the slytherin boy, who had his hair sort of pinned up at the bottoms. With Lily’s dress and his outfit, Remus recognised them from some film he thought he’d partly seen once but couldn’t quite figure it out. ‘’Romeo and Juliet!’’ Lily replied and they both smiled. ‘’That’s the one,’’ he grinned. After a couple of hours of the party, Remus was a bit bored of the socialising and Sirius’ dramatic dancing to the peculiar music and slumped out of the hall. He noticed that he hadn’t seen Steven all night and his first guess was to head back to the common room. And there he was, sprawled in one of the armchairs by himself, reading what looked like a magazine. He spotted Remus and his eyes went wide, 

‘’Your face!’’ 

Remus grinned, “Cool isn’t it.” He pointed to his eyes, “Sirius’,” then his lips, “Peter’s,” then his eyebrow, “James’,” and his other, “Peter’s,” and then finally his nose, “and Sirius’!’’

Steven just shook his head and laughed.

“You not at the party?’’ 

‘’Dont have a costume. Don’t like parties anyway.”

Remus nodded, “Fairs.”

“Exploding snap?”

“Go on then.”


	14. Rock around the clock (Bill Hayley and the Comets)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> None :)

_ 3rd November 1971 _

Sirius made sure that everyone in their first year was aware that his birthday was approaching. You’d think he was celebrating a grand 50 maybe, not 12. Now that halloween was out of the way, there was nothing else he wished to talk about. Remus had soon realised that he, like James, seemed to love a lot of attention and noise, most probably because that’s how they were brought up. He thought that they both could be a lot better in their lessons if they didn’t spend so much time trying to pull stunts and see who could make the most people laugh all the time. They also were like open books, mostly. Remus on the other hand, was more collected and to himself at first, that way there would be less suspicions of what he really was. Peter was sort of in between, he didn’t prat around as much as the others but he was still very talkative and jolly all the time, Remus was actually growing really fond of him. 

He found that he was doing surprisingly well in his lessons, the magic seemed to come really naturally to him and things seemed to happen even if he wasn’t really concentrating or putting much effort into it. It was like there was a force ten times bigger than everyone else’s that came out of his wand, and it was actually harder to control it than do the actual magic sometimes. The theory part of lessons wasn’t quite as easy as he seemed to have a disadvantage due to not knowing any of the basics before he came to hogwarts. But he learnt quite fast that he was a rather fast reader and after a few weeks, wasn’t too far behind everyone else. Even so, Mcgonagall had insisted that she do the counter-spells to reverse their magic that halloween night, despite Remus finding the spell quite do-able after so many attempts, emphasising the great risks they’d naively undertaken many times; but the smirk she was trying to hide beneath her stern lecturing was too obvious.

Remus had never really done birthdays before but was now secretly planning with James and Peter in the dorm room for the occasion. They’d managed to persuade Sirius out of the room by telling him his cousins were wanting to speak to him down near the slytherin common room; it was James’ idea as Remus didn’t even know Sirius had family here. He assumed that was what set him off that day he was in a foul temper. 

‘’Maybe we could have a small party in our dorm?’’ James suggested.

“Yeah... and we could try and transfigure things into food!” Peter said excitedly. 

“Gamps law of elemental transfiguration... can’t transform objects into food.” Remus replied.

“Cor, good job we have Mr Brainbox over here!” James laughed. Remus didn’t even know what had come out of his mouth until he said it and realised that he’d just recited exactly from the textbook. Maybe his memory was better than he’d realised. 

“We could sneak loads of food under James’ invisibility cloak after dinner one day,” Peter suggested. 

“Yeah I’m sure we can find a charm to preserve it. And what are we going to do about his present?” James added. 

Remus had an idea that he was sure Sirius would like, “We could all put in for a new rolling stones album. They’re his favourite, and I’ve got my record player he could use.”

“Perfect! But... how are we going to get one?” 

“I can send off a message for my mum and dad, they’d be delighted to. Should I ask for the newest one?” James added. 

So as Sirius’ 12th birthday crawled around, the boys were all set to give him one of the greatest days at hogwarts. Much to Sirius’ vexation, he was woken up at a sharp 6am on the 3rd November to the three boys all around his bed singing happy birthday in their loudest possible voices - they’d secretly been practising an amplification charm so that it was about 4 times more chaotic. Sirius groaned and ranted under his breath while James attempted to drag him up but was eventually grinning from ear to ear and conducting the others. On their way down to breakfast, every gryffindor seemed to be awake and some a little miffed off by the happy birthday performance that appeared to have reached every dorm room. Nevertheless, Sirius was patted on the back and cheered on by many of his classmates and even some older year students as he strutted through the common room with the crown that the boys had made out of paper ripped from some of their school books. He still only picked at his food at breakfast and lunch but revelled in the other three offering to do everything for him, Remus even ended up cutting the sausages that he was eating with his mash and gravy into the tiniest pieces that Sirius had smugly insisted on. After the day’s lessons, (Sirius being even more giddy and misbehaved than he usually was and failing to persuade Mcgonagall to let them off without any homework) the boys made their way back to their dorm to give him his present. He was delighted with the ‘Let it bleed’ album and had insisted that they listen to the whole thing through about 4 times that night. He got quite a couple of odd presents from home. There were some ancient looking spell books that he’d quickly thrown into his trunk, and an expensive looking silver bracelet with a serpent as the clasp which he’d also quickly thrown into his trunk. He seemed to brush it off quick enough however, before anyone had the chance to comment on it. There was only one card which he didn’t open in front of the others and one present that he actually got excited over, a new giant QUEEN poster to add to the collection around his bed. 

They’d managed to gather quite an array of food over the past few days including sausage rolls and popcorn and sandwiches and brownies and lolled about all night listening to music and playing exploding snap and gobstones. They would probably have some homework to catch up on the next night but that didn’t matter to any of them at the time. Peter had put together all of the best sweets he had left from home which were greatly appreciated by Sirius, who ended up cavorting around the room after all the refreshers and lollies and sherbet he’d eaten. The rest of them realised that Sirius’ usual personality multiplied by about 10 times with all the sugar was a lot to handle - the truth or dare game had gotten quite extreme and James had ended up hanging by his feet in front of a sniggering Sirius. 

‘’Me and Reg always do it to each other when the other isn’t looking!’’ He guffawed with a purple lolly hanging out of his mouth. 

‘’Who’s Reg?’’ James asked casually, despite his very uncomfortable looking position.

Sirius suddenly went a little rigid and his expression faltered, “My brother,” he mumbled. Remus realised it wise not to carry this conversation on and Sirius was soon luckily distracted by the now upright James who was victim to another jinx from Remus. He was worried that James however - being the quite oblivious person he was -hadn’t taken the hint. The jelly-legs jinx seemed to have worked though. He had secretly taught himself it from a book he’d found in the common room one day... incase he needed to use something against the nasty slytherin boy, Robbie.

The boys merely got an hours sleep that night, sprawled across whoever’s bed was closest when they’d dozed off, and were like walking zombies the following day in lessons. Remus had actually managed to nod off in herbology towards the end of the lesson before he was jolted awake by puffapods suddenly sprouting into flowers as they hit his head, orchestrated by a giggling James and Sirius. 

Other than this abrupt awakening, he was really beginning to enjoy the company of the boys who spent every second of the day together if they could. He knew they were the quintessential well-bred children of very wealthy families, especially Sirius. It was peculiar to him their natural sense of leadership and control, and their confidence no matter what they were doing. He really didn’t mind that he differed from them in that sense, he sometimes thought they could appear a little bit full of themselves. But it was obvious the way they were all so intrigued by Remus too. He had noticed that James started to wear his shirt undone at the top, after watching Remus do it. And they’d all marvelled at the way he’d managed to sneak the answer sheet from Flitwick’s desk for their charms test, not used to his slyness. And when Remus had accidentally sent the quill he was meant to be simply hovering all the way to the other side of the room and muttered, “Buggering fuck,’’ Sirius had turned to him very amused with his eyes twinkling and excited. He made a mental note to lay off the language in front of the poshos.


	15. Poor little fool (Ricky Nelson)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Very slight reference to potential eating disorder symptoms.

_ 1st December 1971 _

Remus Lupin was about as observant as one could get. He had to be, of course, to keep his biggest secret what it always had to be... a secret. And that’s why he seemed to be the only one to notice the very discreetly waning enthusiasm of Sirius over the next few weeks. The boy kept up his usual demeanour of the boisterous class clown, always quick to throw a tutted sarky comment towards a teacher, but underneath that there was something up. The first time he noticed was in the great hall at dinner, when Remus and Peter were sat opposite the other two, trying the new toffee ice cream that had appeared for desert. Half way through his bowl, Remus noticed that Sirius was eating even less than usual, actually he wasn’t eating anything at all, and his plate of crumble was still untouched. Remus followed his rigid gaze and laid eyes on two whispering and sniggering girls on the slytherin table. It didn’t take long before he noticed where those high cheek bones and slim figures and that same gleaming dark hair that the slightly taller girl had falling over her shoulders was familiar from. He looked back to Sirius who was now stabbing his crumble with his fork and took a guess that these were those cousins of his that had been mentioned a couple of times. The only difference being the penetrating charcoal black eyes as opposed to his icy ones. The next time he saw them was when the four boys were on their way out to the greenhouse for their herbology lesson. They were coming down from the common room and were performing their usual exit down the stairs for when no one was around; sliding down the bannisters. Remus was clambering back onto the steps after his dangly legs had nearly thrown himself over the other side of the bannister, setting James who had just slid perfectly into a fit of giggles, when he spotted that Sirius wasn’t playing anymore, but instead staring up at the corridor. He was once again glaring at the two striking girls who had just bat-bogey hexed a passing first year and were cackling to each other with their arms linked. And then Remus realised what Sirius’ sullenness was for a couple of days later. The four of them were in the common room and the topic of christmas had been brought up.

‘’We’re not going abroad again this year, so we can meet up everyday Pete! That spare bedroom is practically yours anyway!’’ James said, now excitedly putting his unfinished homework down.

‘’And we can go sledging again in the hills! Dad says it’s forecast to be really snowy and he’d take us!’’ Peter chimed excitedly. The two began a detailed conversation of all their plans for the holidays while Remus glumly thought of the lonely days he had ahead of him, locked up in his room away from matron’s cruel grasp. 

Clearly, the boy on the other side of him had a similiar view on the matter and muttered under his parchment very quietly so that it was nearly impossible to hear, even for Remus, ‘’Oh can’t we all wait for bloody christmas.’’ And that’s when it struck Remus, Sirius didn’t want to go home. Whatever it was between him and his family had made the lead up to leaving the comfort of hogwarts a very tenebrous time. 

_ 7th December 1971 _

Sirius had gotten a detention for using the ‘levicorpus’ jinx on James again when he’d gotten distracted in potions class that day, and left the sleeping draught heating for about 5 minutes instead of the instructed 30 seconds. Professor Slughorn had been particularly shocked at the audacity of one of his favourite students (mainly because of his family heritage). Peter too was busy, spending the night writing and sending letters to some of his friends and family back home. Because of this, neither of them were there when James and Remus were out on the grounds on one of the first days in December. The first specks of snow were beginning to fall on hogwarts, dancing in the winter light like a choreographed ballet conducted by the gentle wind. The two had bundled up in their gloves and hats and hastened out into the grounds that were now buried under a light layer of pure white. 

‘’Oh look!’’ Remus said in awe as he scanned the beauty. They walked out and let themselves be sprinkled by the white dust, leaving a path of footprints in their wake. Remus slyly bent down as James turned to look at the icy quidditch pitch and there was just enough snow to pat together into a ball in his fingertips, and aim right at the back of James’ head.‘’Oi you bugger!’’ James laughed heartily and quickly whipped out his wand to send another soon formed ball zooming straight into Remus’ chest. He hadn’t even thought about using wands but it was one of the most intense and entertaining snowball fights he had ever had. A wand could do a lot things with the snow, including summoning huge piles of it and smothering your opponent with a simple flick, blocking an incoming attack if you were fast enough and also making funny looking snowmen with ease. Remus had hit James with a particularly big snowball on the backside when he wasn’t looking which sent him flying at Remus, pushing him down into the snow. They wrestled on the ground getting quickly-melting snow into every inch of their clothes while in fits of laughter. Remus managed to overpower James and had him pinned down with one hand, wand in the other, and carefully arranged a small pile of snow onto his face in the shape of a moustache. 

‘’Oh very nice, very nice,’’ he mused, pouting and fluttering his eyelashes, ‘’How do I look?’’

They were back into the greatly appreciated warmth of the castle, accidentally leaving a trail of fine white speckles behind them, when James pointed to a little table that had been set up in the entrance hall. ‘’Hot chocolate!’’ he exclaimed. Sure enough, there was a large cauldron, self stirring, of the drink sat next to decorations of twinkling tinsel and baubles. ‘’Mmmm!’’ They both filled their cups and added a sickly amount of marshmallows, laughing at each other’s foamy moustaches as they contentedly ambled back to the seventh floor. The face that Remus saw as they poured through the portrait hole however, was a glum and despondent one. Sirius was crouched up on of the far couches alone barely visible in the dim light, staring into the depths of the fire. ‘’I’ll be up in a minute,’’ Remus said to James quickly, who had bounded up the dorm steps to change out of his sodden clothes. ‘’Okay, dont be too long.’’

Sirius jolted suddenly as Remus softly placed himself on the couch, a little gap in between them, as though he had been in a far away land for some time now. He looked into Sirius’ eyes for a minute, seeing that doeful look that he noticed had been growing stronger by the day, no matter how much Sirius tried to hide it. Sirius looked back into Remus’, as if trying to read what he wanted to say. Eventually, Remus spoke. 

‘’You don’t want to go home do you?’’ 

Sirius looked a little taken aback, but then dropped his shoulders and sighed laboriously. ‘’I’m going to be in so much trouble. Usually it’s bearable, but i’ve really crossed the line this time. I’m in gryffindor for god’s sake! I think any house would actually have been better than bloody gryffindor! Oh I’m going to be the biggest disgrace of that filthy  pure blood  family.’’ Remus didn’t say anything but was listening very carefully. He’d gathered from what James had informed him, that the Blacks were a very prestigious family, proud to be one of the so called ‘sacred 28’ and held pride in all being sorted into slytherin. Sirius appeared to be the outcast of the family, and oh did Remus know how that felt. 

‘’Its all been fun and games until now. But why did I have to do it? Why?’’ He put his head in his hands and shook his head.

‘’Why did you do what?’’

‘’Why did I have to be put in gryffindor? I despite it, but can’t help feeling like a complete let down.’’ Sirius wailed. Luckily everyone else in the common room seemed to have trudged off to bed.

‘‘The sorting hat chose you. You can’t help being a gryffindor, it’s who you are.’’ Remus said, a little blunter than he’d meant but it delivered the right message. How could Sirius blame himself for this?

Sirius looked up from his hands for a moment, tears threatening to prick from his eyes, an expression that was very far from Sirius’ usual nature. 

‘’I’m scared Remus.’’ He said quietly, not quite holding eye contact. Remus knew he ought not to ask more, he could already guess at a few things from different stories that he’d heard from James or Peter or even a couple of their classmates occasionally. The Blacks certainly didn’t seem like the most welcoming of families. 

‘’Don’t go home.’’ 

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’Well... you could tell them how you’ve been specially selected by Slughorn for his clubs. And you don’t want to miss the ones over the holidays... say he’s very interested in the family.’’ It was true, both Remus and Sirius had actually been chosen by Slughorn for his special ‘ _slug club’_. Remus was quite baffled as to why he had been chosen. He was quite good at potions, but not as good as the slytherin boy, Snape, or Lily. But he’d had a feeling that it had something to do with his surname, ‘’A Lupin! You must be Lyall’s boy am I right? Oh a good wizard he was, don’t hear much from him anymore, shame. Let’s see if you have any of that knowledge of his, m’boy!’’ Slughorn had chirpily commented to him when giving him the wrapped invite with a deep purple ribbon. Luckily, it was out of ear shot of the others. He later found out that Slughorn had taken an interest in Sirius too, more the fact that he was a Black though, and seemed eager to have the ‘Black sheep’ of the family in his club too. 

Once Remus had given him the suggestion now, he thought he saw a few muscles in Sirius’ shoulders loosen, and his eyes widen slightly. ‘’But what about Regulus? He’s still with them.’’ 

‘’Well, he’d managed this long without you, and there’s still summer. The blow will perhaps be softened by then.’’ The clogs in his brain seemed to be working at ultra-speed, weighing up this new option. Finally, he turned back to Remus, quite bright-eyed and said, ‘’Will you be staying here too?’’

Remus thought for a moment, ‘’I mean... I could ask matr... I could ask if I could stay here too. I certainly wouldn’t miss home much.’’ Sirius eyed him wonderingly at his slip up. Remus still hadn’t mentioned an inkling about any of his personal life to his new friends, and planned to keep it that way. No need for that burden. But now that he thought about it, matron would probably relish in him being out of her responsibility over christmas, and the full moon was minutely more pleasant at hogwarts. Just at that moment, James and Peter came bounding over in their pyjamas. Before they took a seat, Sirius quickly smiled at Remus widely and said, ‘’Okay.. I’ll ask!’’ And then the two turned to James and Peter who had brought down a game of muggle snap to play. 


End file.
